#awinewith Emma Lovell
MEET Emma Lovell, Founder of Emma Lovell.
You can find them here:
Transcript
Danielle Lewis (00:04):
Debbie, welcome to Spark tv.
Debbie Zita:(00:08)
Thank you, Danny. Thank you so much for having me. I love being in your company. You're very gorgeous.
Danielle Lewis (00:12):
Thank you so much. No, I'm very excited to chat. I know from the few minutes that we've been talking before we hit record that this is going to be a goodie and we've got good vibes happening, so thank you for being here.
Debbie Zita (00:24):
So welcome.
Danielle Lewis (00:26):
Let's start out by telling everyone who you are and what you do.
Debbie Zita (00:30):
So I'm the founder of the Heart-centered Way. We started close to six years ago, and we are here to support women who run wellness or creative businesses, essentially to reach that six figure a year kind of level. And we do that through the creation of high value, high ticket packages, but I also support women who are at a crossroads in their lives, in their businesses, feeling very kind of flat lost, stuck perhaps being through relationship breakdown, other things that happen in our lives and that I also work with women. This is a strange one, but who are not really into anything kind of woowoo or spiritual, but they'll meet me and go, wait a second, what do you do? Who are you? And let's chat. So I've got those sort of three different areas that I work on, life, business, career.
Danielle Lewis (01:15):
I love it so much. So I feel like it's such a beautiful approach. I just love even the business name, the Heart-centered way because I feel like we need more of that in our lives. We need more of the spiritual emotional vibe to come through our businesses. So talk me through that. So talk me through the heart-centered way. What is your framework process? How does that look?
Debbie Zita (01:40):
Great question. Okay. So it's been a process of so many years, as many of us kind of have, how it looks is, let's start with the values. So kindness, compassion, strength and resilience, which is just behind me. And that's been me. I almost got it tattooed. I do have a bird, but I almost got that tattooed because that's been me since I was little. I was always the girl at school that was welcoming in the new kid that was kind of counseling and therapizing and doing weird energy things. That took me a while to figure out what I was doing. I went on a huge journey myself studying psychology, looking at esoteric understanding, Buddhist wisdom. My first kind of query into that was the age of three, which is very kind of strange, but was in kindy. And I was asking, why are we back here again?
(02:29):
So I had the awareness of reincarnation, which some of us do and some of us don't. And it's fine if you don't believe that, but that's been my journey. And then I thought everyone had that kind of remembrance and was like, oh yeah, we're back again in these kind of roles. And then as I got older, I realized, oh gosh, that's really embarrassing. No one else has that. So I thought it was wrong. So of course I kind of shut that down. I had another kind of awakening moment at age 19 where I started channeling and writing to guides and things. And I was studying psychology at the time, and I said to my mom, who unfortunately has now since passed away, but I said, I think something's wrong. And she's like, well, let me read it. And she's like, that's not you. Where is that coming from, Deb?
(03:09):
So then I did some research and realized I was connecting to guides and spirit wisdom and then went, this is crazy. I blocked all that lost mom when I was pregnant coming, it was just 16 years ago and had another huge awakening of connecting with mom and then was sort of working in that space as well and realized I don't really want to be working connecting spirits to crossing over, and that's not for me. And also that how can I do this? What's happening? So I found that really confronting and then went through divorce, went through parenting and challenges, lost a lot of friends, which is really awful and unfair. Cancer, heart attacks all different things in their, oh my God, I know. So I kind of had to cultivate and find the universe or creator or dare I use that G word that we don't like to sometimes freak everybody out.
(03:58):
I know. But I really had to find that place. And that's sort of where I found that I found the six selves. I was having these conversations with women through my coaching practice, through other jobs that I was doing and just through my own self-reflection through the work that I had to go through. When you go through so many things, and I haven't even shared many of the story parts of my story, there's way more that I maybe will share later that really brought me to my knees and humbled me as to why am, how am I still here? Why am I here? What is my unique purpose? Why do these things keep happening? So the selves is an acronym, S-E-L-V-E-S. You've got the spiritual self, the emotional self, the legacy self, the valued self, the ecological self, and the sexual creative self. So when we touch on each aspect of self, something illuminates something that was hidden, comes to light, there's joy, there's healing, there's creation, there's connection, there's manifestation and abundance.
(04:59):
It sounds like I'm saying kind of random words. And I'm really, these are all things that I've experienced myself either directly or I've witnessed in clients where these miracles of earning not much per year, and then all of a sudden they're like, how am I earning this amount of money? Which to some people sounds like nothing but to that person. That's everything for them. Or a healing with a friendship that was lost or a part of you that you just thought you'd never get over. So often people have been to, and I love all of these different therapies, psychologists, therapists, they've done ayahuasca, they've done different ceremonies, they've done lots and lots of different things, but they still haven't found their heart.
(05:37):
And this is where my journey took me back in 20 12, 20 15, really when I actually found my spiritual heart through a series of workshops and many, many hours of practicing and training that I did with a very particular teacher that was really challenging, but I just felt I needed to be in that space. And part of that was accessing what's called true self-consciousness, where you access yourself beyond form and people can do it. I'm happy to share part of my journey and how I did all of that, but it was about a 10 year journey of, as I say, many hours of finding this place. And then now what I do is I guide women to their heart space.
Danielle Lewis (06:18):
And I actually think it is important because I've had a couple of conversations this week where people talk about doing the work, and I get frustrated a little bit because I'm like, I know so many people are thinking this. What is the work? What is the work that I'm supposed to do? I happy to do,
Debbie Zita (06:37):
I'm working, I'm working. I know, right? I'm sending the emails. I'm sending the emails. And then you've got the whole kind of Beyonce work work. Is it working? Is it having fun? So this is my take on it is different. And look, I'm a very fun, fiery kind of girl, but I can also go really deep so you can feel free to kind of take me in the direction.
Danielle Lewis (06:57):
I'll just, yeah,
Debbie Zita (07:00):
The work is work. There's parts of ourselves that we haven't healed that we haven't touched on. And look, I have to be honest, I think there are some people that come in and want to do the work in this incarnation, and then there are some that just don't. And there's no wrong and there's no right. It doesn't make anyone better or worse for that. I think some of us are called to step into leadership personas, whether that's in a c-suite position in a corporate job, or whether that's in your own business, or it could be in your family where your mom, your auntie, you are the leader in that tribe, but there's a calling to really understand more parts of yourself. The work is sitting with those parts. It's actually journaling, it's meditation, it's being out in nature. It's sitting with your grief, sitting with your sadness, sitting with your bliss, sitting with your spectacular, amazing beautifulness and sitting with your nothingness all at the same time. So that to me, and I love this question, thank you for asking me, that's what the work is. It actually is being with self, which is where I love the framework and how that sort of came about. And of course there's many other ways that we can do the work. This is obviously just mine,
(08:10):
But it was very special how I came to find that. And then it was through prayer and meditation that I said, well, I know there's these different selves. Can you help me find a way to express it that's kind of easy and sexy and marketable, but still is sacred to the energy that I know that I'm holding here? And this is a funny story, Danny. I was like, what's a word? What's the word that sells? But it's six, and it was about midnight one night, I know, three, four years or five years ago even in my lounge room. And I went, selves, oh my God, oh my God, it sells. And then I cried and laughed at the same time when I realized how perfectly that the cells fits into that. So yeah, it's amazing.
Danielle Lewis (08:48):
That is gorgeous. And you know what I love about this as well is the work is hard, but it's not going for a run or it's not pushing. It's actually the sitting and being with, and it's really interesting. I think when we say do the work, I feel like people think there's actions, there's, there's stuff, there's this pushing, there's there's hardness. And it's like, don't get me wrong, sitting and being with yourself very hard, very hard. That is work, but it's not the push and the struggle and the doing. It's more of the being, which I think is what we avoid at all costs.
Debbie Zita (09:27):
It's so true. And I got excited. I just had a session this morning and I'm glad how everything always works out with timing of things, but I've still got the cards and things to send to her. But I work quite a bit with power. Thought cards, Louise Hay,
Danielle Lewis (09:40):
Cool. It
Debbie Zita (09:40):
Was a huge inspiration for me. So I'm not a tarot, I don't do any of that. The way that I work is I work with the higher self of who I'm connecting to, and I work with my own higher self to bring in that beautiful heart energy. And so I can use the heart, the decks that I'm looking at, or I'll use nature or whatever it is that's in the environment to kind of bring about the truth that needs to be spoken in that moment. But this one is I balance my masculine and feminine sides, which is exactly what you're speaking about.
(10:08):
And we need both, especially in business, because in business you need to be able to know where's the zoom link, what's the deadline? When are things due? Is this visual or audio? What's the market it's appealing to, how do I sell this offer? What's the offer? If you don't have that, then you can't sort of be in that realm. At the same time, we need to have the feminine of, okay, where's the flow? How can I connect back to that beautiful space of sensual creativity? How can I also step back and recognize, yes, I'm powerful, but I'm also, I'm just a teeny tiny little speck here as well. There's a whole grand universe and I'm just part of it. And that keeps us humble as well. So knowing when to push, knowing when to pull, and I'm still learning that too, is a really beautiful part of the process.
Danielle Lewis (10:54):
I love how you just said as well, the higher self. So that's really interesting. I've always been manifestation curious and abundance, curious and all of the things. And the idea of the higher self is something that I've only just discovered literally, I would say within the last maybe six months. But this idea that there is a version of me, of us who has already achieved all of the things that I want to achieve. And I can tell you what the visualization that I do now when connecting with my higher self and seeing obviously day to day being a business owner, super stressful, super hard, overwhelming. But I'm like, when I visualization exercises and I speak to the version of me who has already achieved all of the goals, God damn, it's the best thing ever. She is so happy. She is so content, she is so proud. She is. So everything, I just, oh my God, I just wanted to pin on the higher self because it's something that's brand new to me, but it has just changed the way I think about my goals, think about spirituality, think about any of the exercises that I do. So I love it so much.
Debbie Zita (12:18):
Yeah, it's a game changer because we've got the lower self, which is the part of us that's fed into our fears and is operating from that space. And the higher self is really connected to pure love. And I think what's special about bringing the heart into the higher self is it's also for the betterment of all beings. So when you're connecting to your vision around what's amazing, what's my potential? What does six figures, seven figures, eight figures and beyond per year look like? Perhaps it's properties, perhaps it's setting up charities, I don't know what yours is, but whatever that is, we connect into that. And then how can we also create that space and that frequency for the betterment of every single being?
(13:01):
And that's where I love the heart practice connects us straight into that. And whether I've met you, whether I've never met you, whether we have the same, dare I say, political views or they're opposite or the same upbringing or totally different, but our hearts are connecting. And that to me, it sounds very cliche, but that to me changes lives because the frequency is what changes things. And God knows, I shouldn't use that word. Forgive me if he's the G word. The universe knows that we have a lot of healing on our planet to do. And
Danielle Lewis (13:36):
If
Debbie Zita (13:36):
We can do that through conversations, through podcasts, if we can do that through business ventures, through family, whatever your expression of your higher self is, that's your own unique version of your life.
Danielle Lewis (13:50):
I love it as well because I feel like as women in business, we tend to have more impact led business ideas. We do want to impact our communities. We do want to make a difference. And I think it's a real struggle sometimes for women to marry the heartfelt, the impact. I want to make a difference. I want to impact my community with the business side. And I feel like what you are doing is you're bringing both together in such a beautiful way.
Debbie Zita (14:19):
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Danielle Lewis (14:23):
I love
Debbie Zita (14:23):
It. Thank
Danielle Lewis (14:24):
You. I love it. It's just gorgeous. I mean, that's probably an interesting question for you. As somebody who does straddle both, you've obviously got a business, you've obviously got to do the things. How does that show up for you in terms of the spiritual side, the heartfelt side, and then the running of the business?
Debbie Zita (14:47):
It's a really good question. It's a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly decision to really drop in. And for me, it really came about from the purity of the energy. So there was so many things that happened to me that the practices I was looking at, it was never a business. It was never like, how can I make money from this? It was, how can I serve? How can I be of devotion? And then you go through your twenties, your thirties. I'm now in my forties. I've got an almost 16-year-old son, and he needs certain things. And you also need money. I've chosen to live a life where I'm partnered, but I'm not married. And that's huge. If anyone probably not listening because I'm kind of very different to who I was in my younger years. But I sort of left the cultural tribe, if you like, and I need to be able to pay for myself. And sometimes I oscillate between, oh my God, this is amazing, independent woman, and this is so good to, oh my God, what have I done? But I really had to learn pretty quickly that you need to know how to sell yourself, how to create things that people are interested in. This is what I'm still learning, but how to cope with rejection,
(16:03):
How to cope with your bass and your GST and the changing markets and people who are your raving fans, but then people who really are not, and the competitors and the collabor. There's just so many things. So I think you have to definitely have an entrepreneurial spirit. And again, not everyone has that. I've realized I thought, why aren't you so excited? Because they're not entrepreneurs and they don't want to be, and that's totally fine. But we're a different flavor of people when you are,
Danielle Lewis (16:31):
We're a little crazy.
Debbie Zita (16:32):
We're a little crazy. We take risks and we just feel like we have this kind of longing to do something.
(16:39):
So you just make a decision every day, every week to drop into that space. But then also for me, it's so important that I'm coming from service otherwise, not that I don't want the sale or I don't want to put that out into the manifestation world, but I kind of almost don't because my whole ethos is playing bigger, playing beautiful. So playing bigger is the next level, but then playing beautiful is my heart. So if I don't have the compassion and the kindness and I'm not doing the work to surrender my own kind of greedy and powerful and whatever parts I have within myself, it doesn't have the meaning for me because the beauty's not there. The inner beauty of the heart isn't there anymore.
Danielle Lewis (17:16):
Oh my God. Playing bigger, playing beautiful. That's awesome. I've only ever heard the playing bigger component, but marrying it with playing beautiful is like game changer.
Debbie Zita (17:29):
Oh, thank you.
Danielle Lewis (17:30):
I know. No, I just think it's really an important point to drop a pin on because I feel like we do there. It's hustle. Everyone's like, and don't get me wrong, we all want to make money, and we all have different goals, what money looks like to different people. But I feel like the rhetoric online is very much bigger tactics. How many zeros, how many figures, all those things. There aren't enough people talking about the beautiful side. And I think that when we see all of the hustle and the whatever, it doesn't feel good for a lot of people, and a lot of people are getting burnt out because that's what they're seeing and that's what they're saying, oh, that's what I have to do to be in quotes if anyone's not watching the video version to be a success. Whereas we need to talk more about how we create something that is beautiful in our own sense of what beauty means to us.
Debbie Zita (18:28):
Totally. And this is what I love going back to the framework, but the spiritual self is first.
(18:34):
And so if we haven't set that foundation of, again, whatever it is for you, honoring nature, honoring your body, honoring the divine, connecting back in with self, with others, however that is doing that always first, the basics. Even now I'm like, okay, Deb, are you breathing? Are your feet on the ground? Just really connecting back in with myself so that when I'm speaking, I can hopefully reach the woman or the women that are like, I've got to talk to this person. I've been waiting to speak to her. And it's not because I want the sale. And it's not that I don't want it, but it's because my goodness, I've been on such a big journey to connect with those women that I know I can really help and support that I want them to hear the beauty in my voice, the tone of my voice, the words that I'm speaking that are chosen just for them, the way that I'm showing up, and then showing them how to do that in their world as well.
Danielle Lewis (19:30):
I love it. And so tell me then, if somebody's listening to this right now and they're thinking, oh my God, this is what I need in my life. I have a business that I perhaps started from a place of excitement and passion and creativity, and now it is however many months old and I'm really not feeling connected to it anymore, is there something that you would suggest she would do to move back towards her alignment?
Debbie Zita (20:01):
Yeah, that's what I would call a crossroads moment. And that would be connecting with nature is a really good place to start going for a walk looking outside the window. If you're not somewhere where you can be out in nature, different, some people are in the luxury of having a jungle outside and others, I would live in an apartment, and so I would joke as I was guiding meditations, I know it sounds strange, but look at the weed coming up from the concrete. Just find something that's living
Danielle Lewis (20:31):
And
Debbie Zita (20:31):
Then connect back into that. And then ask yourself in that really quiet space, what is true and best for us? And when I say us, it means me now, me in the future, all the experiences that I've had, all the people that I would like to be serving, that includes my family. It's the ecosystem which is part of the ecology so that I'm not kind of just cut and run and following my soul's vision and moving to Costa Rica if that's not what's right and true for me, but I'm staying in my life, but I'm still doing what that is. But just coming back and asking. So yeah, nature, obviously I would love to share, and we haven't spoken about it, but I run a beautiful session on a Monday called Monday. Well, tell me about it. Prioritization. So that's how this version of my business started actually was I had what I called my dark decade of the soul of 10 years of just pretty hellish things happen. And then covid hit, and this sounds strange, but I was elated because I was like, oh my God, I've just been through my hell. I'm fine. Who can I help? How can I help you? Because I could see everyone around me was just kind of crumbling.
(21:36):
And so I started to guide these meditations, not thinking anything of it. I was like, I'll just, I'll meditate. I need to, and oh, you are here. Okay, we've now been running for almost five years, pretty much every single week, every single Monday day, eight 50 till nine 30 Australian time. First 10 minutes is a chitchat or a networking. The next 15 minutes is a heart centering meditation based on the selves. And then we go into prioritizing your week and your day and your month and everything. So we've had over a hundred women and we've served women from six different countries. And I'm always happy to offer a free session for any woman that's like, I'm kind of curious, but it is pretty special to be in a group of women and it's intimate. It's five, maybe 15 maximum at any given time, and you just, yeah, we connect back and we start the week together, start the next month, start the next season, keep going, stuff comes up. We just support each other.
Danielle Lewis (22:35):
Yeah, I think it's beautiful because oftentimes when we don't know what next step to take ourselves, it's nice to have a guide. It's nice to have somebody who does understand absolutely what we're going through, but also help us take the first next step. Because again, back to the point of what is the work, I think we've touched on it, but it is sometimes if we're a little bit, I kind of get it, but I just need a little helping hand. So I think that that's beautiful that you offer women a helping hand.
Debbie Zita (23:08):
Thank you. Oh, I'd love to also add, aside from nature, I think also really being realistic about what the work is. If you've never done therapy or anything spiritual, and this is all totally new for you, you may want to have some time in your calendar because it does take some time to really honor what that means. If you just kind of read it, you're not doing a university degree. I think often people think, wait, but I read the book, Deb and I read your email and we are done. What's next? It's like, it's the hustle, hustle, hustle.
Danielle Lewis (23:38):
I've done it. Yeah.
Debbie Zita (23:39):
I'm like, oh, okay, girl. So we need to work on your patience. Alright, okay. But it's like actually almost take a sabbatical where you've got at least one day a week or an evening a week where you can light a candle, have a cup of tea, be mindful, be grateful, not just talking about the concepts that we read about on Insta or that we talk about in these sort of spiritual circles, but actually not doing the lip service but actually doing
Danielle Lewis (24:04):
It.
Debbie Zita (24:05):
Are you actually, oh my goodness, Danny, we've got water in Australia, drink it and go. We have clean, fresh drinking water and there are people all over the world that have no access to that. And I'm not saying that to be heavy and morbid, but it's just what I'm drinking it to be grateful that somehow my soul and my heart brought me to a country where I'm incarnated, where I can have access to that. Thank you. Divine source, thank you, creator, thank you universe, that I can have that. And if we do that to everything, that opens our heart even
Danielle Lewis (24:36):
More. And isn't that interesting? You can find that beauty and gratefulness and in exactly what you said in the drinking water, right? It is all around us, but we do get so stuck in the grind, grind, grind that we forget to see and appreciate. And I love that you said perhaps you might need to put it in your calendar because we do tend to let the days, let the weeks, months slip by and then we say, oh my God, it's Christmas again. Can you believe how quickly the time flies? And it's like, yeah. So if you're not actually stopping, time will fly and you won't have done the work and you won't have set aside time to heal and appreciate and be grateful and do the work.
Debbie Zita (25:24):
Totally. And it's funny, I mean it's like there's moments in our lives where that's so obvious when there's a birth of a child or a death of a loved one, it's like we go into that space so automatically, can you imagine if we were in that space every day
(25:40):
And then you get to the end of your life, and again, I don't mean to be morbid, but it's just part of life. But you get to the end of your life and you're like, I didn't just live the length of it, but I lived the width of it as well. I dunno who said it, and I'm always a stickler for quoting the right person, but I love that quote. It's not mine. But isn't that a beautiful concept to be able to live the width of your life as well as the length of it. That's part of the work.
Danielle Lewis (26:05):
And I'm obsessed with the idea of being happy. Now one thing's just really interesting that you talked about, we're all going to die. Let's be real, but not waiting. So I'm waiting until I'm a millionaire to be happy or I'm waiting until I have this to be happy. I'm waiting. We have to actually experience ourselves and our life today with what we have.
Debbie Zita (26:33):
I am pretty sure it was ura who's a teacher in India, and he would say, you woke up. Congratulations. You are breathing. That's it. That's amazing. But we forget it because it's Instagram and LinkedIn and especially in business, there's so many things to distract us, which is why it is so special to marry. And thank you for noticing that. And I've got a blog post actually just about that marrying spirituality and business because it took me many years to go, who would want this stuff? Who really cares? Anyway, but it was my calling to try and find a way to marry it. So hence, I'm really grateful that you are seeing me and that we're having this conversation right now.
Danielle Lewis (27:13):
Well, and I think it's so exciting because I mean, obviously as Spark, I talk to a lot of women in business every day and we really struggle with it. I think that there is, especially in women, there is such a calling to service and such a calling to community, but a struggle between. But I have to hustle and make a million dollars and do all the things and show up on Instagram stories and rah, there is such a, I guess, a disconnect between the heart and business. So that's why I love what you're doing.
Debbie Zita (27:51):
Thank you. And you also remind me, because the whole reason that we play bigger, play beautiful, there's four. It's to have more time, more energy, more money, and more wisdom.
Danielle Lewis (28:03):
Yes. I love that.
Debbie Zita (28:04):
We all value those four things, and that's whatever it means for you different and at different stages and levels, but time, energy, money and wisdom
Danielle Lewis (28:14):
That is beautiful. It's interesting that it's not just about the money and even money unlocks some of those things as well. Sometimes I love talking about money because I feel like women especially think money's bad. And I just feel like the more money women have, the more good they will do with it. Because women do tend to be in businesses that are more impactful. They do tend to give more care about their communities more. And I love that money enables women to do more of that, but also unlock more time in their life, which unlocks more energy in their body. It all has a bit of a flow on effect. Totally love it.
Debbie Zita (28:57):
Thank you. Yeah, money and sex, and they're both in there. And I was very mindful of the sex one as well because that's, that's a really tender subject and there's a lot of healing that can take place in that space as well. And there's also, I have found, don't quote me on any research on this, but there's a link between feeling really connected to your own sexuality and your finances.
Danielle Lewis (29:26):
Really. Talk to me about that. I have,
Debbie Zita (29:29):
Well, I had clients a few years ago where they were coming out of marriages going through the divorce, and they're coming into their space of I'm a sexy woman and what do I desire and what does it feel like to have something sensual? And just things like nice body lotion and nice smells, and I'm happy to refer people on for anything else that's kind of a bit more raun because it's sort of not, I'm a sedi, so I love that, but it's not my kind of professional area. But when you're connected in that way, there's a confidence and a magnetism that you bring when you are in business and you're working with other people. Again, it is a potent and a powerful energy. So please do speak to someone that knows this stuff really well because that is, once you unlock that part of you, it's powerful.
Danielle Lewis (30:16):
And I love that you touched on that. I find it really interesting, I guess the seasons of life that we go through. I remember I was in a long-term business relationship and romantic relationship, and I remember getting to 10 years in and thinking, is this, it is this. And that ended, and I really had that feeling of like, well, I guess my life, this is it. No one's going to want me anymore. I'm over the hill. That was my
Debbie Zita (30:45):
Last orgasm.
Danielle Lewis (30:47):
That was it in that way. Yeah. But totally. And I even reflected on where I was at in taking care of myself, and I kind of looked, I went through that stage of you throw all your underwear out or you amp revamp. And I was like, but why did I not value myself? What happened that I got to that stage where I didn't think I was worth loving or making feel good or appreciate or any of those things. And then went on that journey of reapp appreciating myself, which unlocked the partner of my dreams. But it's really interesting how we do that to ourselves. We don't actually take a step back and think about what we want for ourselves, for our life, for our business. And I think sex does play and sexuality, and that plays such a big role in our ability to appreciate ourselves and know that we are enough.
Debbie Zita (31:44):
Totally. And I love what you're sharing. It's so much to do with our conditioning and what we saw our mothers, our aunts and our grandmothers do. And everything is formed from zero to seven. So the stories, the narratives, everything is there from what you go through. And then it's a matter of as you grow, you go back and you heal that, whether that's consciously or unconsciously. And I know for me, I was boy obsessed for a large part of my life. It was just everything was, I have to get married, I have to get married, I have to get married, because that was what I was taught
(32:21):
Because my family came from the war. They lost everything. And so there was this story that you needed a man to hold. You needed a man to give you that financial security. And maybe it was part of what they showed me and what they spoke about. Maybe it was part of how I processed it. I don't know. I can't go back in time and review that. But the result was, I thought to be okay, I have to be in a romantic relationship. And I actually went so far as to say to myself, I don't even exist if I don't.
Danielle Lewis (32:54):
Wow.
Debbie Zita (32:55):
And so then I had big healing to do on attracting a partner who really saw me, saw the entrepreneur, saw the drama queen, but the big heart, the big hair, the love, the care, the curious nature, all of me. And then also I know so many women that are blocked and stifled in their relationship. So it's finding out, do you stay? Do you leave? How do you connect with yourself sexually? How do you still love yourself in that space? And if you do leave, what practical things do you have to set up? How does it look what happens with the kids? But there's so many things. It's not a one size fits all. So what I would also say, if anyone's listening, please don't just listen to a podcast and make your life choice based on that. Please go and actually invest properly in a therapist and a coach and unpack your unique situation because your life is so precious. Your spiritual life is precious. And this took me a long time, but so too is this current incarnation. So what I mean by that is a lot of people go through different experiences thinking, well, I'll grow from the hardship and the challenges, but we don't have to make it that hard. We're social creatures. We do need people to be around us. It's okay to have a relationship. It's okay to stay. It's also okay to
Danielle Lewis (34:14):
Leave.
Debbie Zita (34:15):
It's all okay. It's finding your own authentic self.
Danielle Lewis (34:18):
Yeah, and I love, again, how you are marrying the spiritual with the practical, and it is, I think both sides are just so important in every facet of our lives.
Debbie Zita (34:30):
Yeah. Well, again, we need both, right? I'm still here in a body. I might have friends that are on the other side and may be helping me. Maybe they're not because they've got other more important things to do, but I'm still here and I'm aging. I've got bills to pay, and so we've got to have both.
Danielle Lewis (34:47):
I love it. I think it's incredible. Now, we could talk all day, but I always love to wrap up these podcasts with one last piece of advice. So reflecting on your time in business, what piece of advice would you give to another woman on her business journey?
Debbie Zita (35:08):
This is very Lorna Jane of me, but never, never ever, ever give up. I might've added in a few more nevers than Evers, but never give up. I had times when no one knew anything about my gifts with energy and my vision for women. And I literally, literally had nobody, no support, but something in me just kept going. So never give up. Whatever that is. Just if you get knocked down eight times, stand up nine.
Danielle Lewis (35:39):
I think that is absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much, Debbie, for sharing your journey, your insights, your wisdom with the Spark community. I know that would've touched a lot of people, so I'm so grateful for you.
Debbie Zita (35:53):
Thank you for the opportunity. I really appreciate it.
✨ Thank you to IP Australia for supporting the SPARK podcast and women in business ✨
