#awinewith Christina Johns
MEET Christina, founder Coaching The Artist Way.
You can find them here:
Transcipt
Danielle Lewis (00:05):
So good. Christina, welcome to Spark tv. Thank you. I love starting with jazz hands. This is great.
Christina Johns (00:12):
Slow. Oh yes. And
Danielle Lewis (00:14):
You have gin Today
Christina Johns (00:16):
I have SLO gin.
Danielle Lewis (00:18):
Slo gin. What is slow gin?
Christina Johns (00:21):
Slow is a berry. It's a very rare berry, and when they distill it down, it's got a sweet musket sort of a roll on the back of your tongue.
Danielle Lewis (00:30):
Oh my God. Okay, well I just have red wine, so I'm less fancy today. Oh no, I love it so much. Well, I'm very excited to share your story because you and I had a chat earlier in the week or last week. I can't remember all my days blend together now, but I was so excited to meet you and hear your stories. I can't wait to share it with our beautiful Spark community. So let's just start there. Let's just tell everyone who you are and what you do.
Christina Johns (01:00):
Okay, so my name's Christina Johns and I'm a creative mindset coach, and I use creativity as a platform to show women that anything is possible. Once you've done an artwork class with me, you then have in your hands the evidence that you can paint, you can draw, you can create something out of nothing. So therefore, if that's possible, what else could be possible in your life? And I've come from a background of lack and I think that's what's probably brought my resilience into the picture so much so, because I have spent most of my life as an unpaid carer. So I've battled with mental health systems in Victoria. I've battled against giants in the industry to fight for my son who I knew had a better future than what the doctors were telling me. And so most of my life was spent in that struggle backwards and forwards. I got a diagnosis for my son about 15 years ago of him needing full-time residential care. And that means basically that he needed to go into hospital and they needed to care for him under medication on a full-time basis. And I could visit and I went, no, no, no, no, no,
Danielle Lewis (02:16):
I don't think so. I
Christina Johns (02:17):
Don't think so. Wow. And so I thought that I could just stand up and say that and that would be okay, but that wasn't the case because it was psychiatrically based. I had to go to court and I had to fight for my son to be taken off an order. Now the funny thing about that was is I actually agreed to the order that he was on, but I didn't agree with a couple of the points and authority that it gave other people. And so I had to go to court, I had to fight for my son, and it was just me and him in a courtroom. It was just crazy. And we won and everyone warned me that it wasn't possible, but we won and I took him home. Now 15 years later, not only has he nearly fully recovered, he is working full time.
(03:00):
He has gone back to school, he is living independently, he's doing all the things they never said was possible. And this brings me around to how the mindset changes of an unpaid carer can change the lives of people who have been given a diagnosis that is dire and unpaid carers are the most unsupported group of women and men. There's men that do it as well, but I think that probably 80% of unpaid carers are women and 90% of them are over the age of 50. So the demographic is quite incredible and they just don't get any support and tirelessly. They care for their loved ones over and over. So I want to change that story and that's why I've created Brave and Unstoppable over my shoulder and my business, which is coaching the artist way. I blend a little bit of coaching with a little bit of artistry, with a little bit of mindset changes with a lot of my life experience, which really gives you the opportunity to go well, if that's possible, what can I do?
Danielle Lewis (04:13):
Oh my God, I love this so much. You are so incredible. I mean, where do we even start going up against the court system or going up against a legal system? And I mean, I'm just dumbfounded by having to fight for the right to keep your child.
Christina Johns (04:34):
I know. I
Danielle Lewis (04:35):
Just can't believe it.
Christina Johns (04:37):
It was quite unbelievable. We found that because the system is so broken, and I know that changes are starting to be made, but the system is so broken that things sort of unroll and transpire in a way that in the past has been hidden and behind closed doors. I'm actually writing a book about my caring role over the last 30 years and my son's contributing to the book. So we're it together not to shine a light on bad practices, but to bring into light the plight of what actually goes on in mental institutions these days because it's usually closed doors and locked doors and what a carer actually goes through and what a care recipient goes through. When my son said to me, you don't understand what it's like to have all of your rights taken away from you, and it broke my heart when he said that, but to go into court, they wanted to perform a medical procedure on my son that neither of us wanted him, wanted the doctors to perform. And what we found out is it didn't matter what we thought. They had the right to perform it because that's what their medical opinion was.
(05:55):
And we said No, because this could potentially have changed his life forever. And we said, no, it's too risky and it's not something that we want to be done, and you have to go to court to fight over that, right, to choose your medical care because all of his rights were taken away. It was just sickening.
Danielle Lewis (06:17):
But I mean, it sounds like something out of a movie, we feel like we live in this world where we're free and we have our own choices, but there are these stories and there are these experiences that people like you have had that just does not stack up to that at all.
Christina Johns (06:35):
And the sad thing about mental illness unfortunately, is the majority of people only ever see what's on the six o'clock news. They don't know the people behind the stories. They don't know the stories behind the stories, and they don't know how a person comes to be on the six o'clock news. But the thing with the person on the six o'clock news is a lot of things have happened before that the system has failed over and over and over again before they get to that event that everybody then hears about and blames everybody else about. There's a lot more that goes on in the background and there are people behind the faces of mental illness. And I don't think people understand that with mental illness, it's so stigmatized and so hidden in society that we don't like to talk about it because we're ashamed. Even within families, they don't like to talk about it. My family ignores a lot of my son's story because they just can't see it on a good day. You can't see mental illness, it's not written on your face. It's not a limp arm, it's an unseen and hidden illness. So you look cool on the outside, but on the inside, I know some days when he gets up, it takes all of his strength just to walk outside the front door.
Danielle Lewis (07:56):
I don't know if anyone listening knows about this. So I lived with a partner for 10 years who had really mental health issues and he ended up committing suicide two years ago. I'm so sorry to
Christina Johns (08:10):
Hear that.
Danielle Lewis (08:12):
But exactly as you described, if you knew him, you wouldn't know. He was just the most he was going to take over the world. You're just one of those people that you've never met, someone that was so creative, so passionate, so hardworking, so incredible, but you're spot on. There were days where he could not get out of bed.
Christina Johns (08:37):
And it begs me the question because I've spoken with a lot of people who had mental illnesses and I've been around a lot of people with mental illnesses and at the core of who they are, they're incredibly intelligent and they're creative and they've got so much going on. It makes me wonder whether their neurons are actually over firing compared to we've got them switched off because they're on a whole other level. I know with my son, for instance, we do lots of creativity and we do lots of exercises where we sit and play the 1% club against each other on a Wednesday night. That's it. I dunno
Danielle Lewis (09:15):
What this is
Christina Johns (09:17):
The 1% club. It's a series of questions on tv we've got, somehow we lost the Australian version, but now we've got the English version, which I think is so much easier because they're, sorry English people out there, but you guys are a bit dumber than us. So we find the questions really easy and it's not about the way that you look at the question, it's the way that the question is done. So you don't have to be smart to be able to figure it out. You have to think in a different way to be able to answer the question. And so we do this on a Wednesday night, we sit and watch that in front of Ally and we challenge each other, have you got it? Have you got it? And then we compare notes usually before they actually have the answer up there, which is quite fun.
(09:59):
And sometimes because of the English version, we've actually been able to get the 1% question, which is a standard both of us, and we are like, yeah, that wouldn't have been an Australian question. But yeah, the whole thing is that I think that, sorry, that was my chair. I think that the more that you use your brain in a way that piques your curiosity, the more it forms neuropathways that grow. So the brain is continually growing all the time with these neuropathways. And for me, the trick that I found is to tap into what my son was curious about the most and his was, besides creativity, he likes music. He's really interested in music and the way that the beats sound. He can tell you how many RPMs there are in a song, and he can tell you he's got a times table on his wall that adds up the beats on a sound. I'm like, what are you talking about? It was like another language that he actually can explain music in a whole different way and he can blend together two different songs from two different genres and create a whole new sound that I'm like, where'd you get that from? He's like, oh, no, I just created it.
Danielle Lewis (11:14):
Oh my God,
Christina Johns (11:16):
So incredible. But he said, when you recognize that and when you can see what they're interested in, you can encourage it and you can support it and you can help them to grow it. And then all of a sudden, instead of going down the road of what they're concerned about, their focus is switched onto something else and piece by piece and day by day you start building it back up, which is what we've done.
Danielle Lewis (11:40):
Wow. You, I mean, I know a mother's love, but how did you know how to do any of this? What happened? Were you a carer or a support worker in a previous life, or did you just say, this is my child, I'm figuring this out?
Christina Johns (11:57):
Yeah, I guess the thing is, if anybody had told me what it was going to be like in the start, I probably would've said, hell no, give me my bags if I would've gone. But I'm sort of stubborn in a sense that, oh yeah, no, that's easy to figure out. Let me challenge that and don't you dare talk to me like that. So I just barreled in there not knowing the consequences of what I was doing. And I guess in a way, forging, forging a way for others. I hope that can follow, because I don't think that I did anything spectacular or anything unusual yet. People say to me, how did you do that and how did you get that to happen? For instance, we used a mobile support service, and they're a really intensive team, and the mobile support team will come around to your home, they administer medication, and they can come around up to three times a day and they can come around every single day or every other day. They're a short-term clinical service that supported Ashley when he came out of hospital, we were supposed to have them on board for three months. That's the absolute maximum you can get out of a service like that because they're so busy. And mental health has just exploded at the moment. We kept that particular support team on board with Ashley for six years,
(13:19):
And we did that by small incremental steps one at a time. And the only way that we could keep them on is because he kept achieving those goals. So as he achieved a goal, the boss would go back to his manager and say, well, he's achieved that goal. And he's like, set him another goal then. So he'd set him another goal, and then we'd work on that goal. And because we kept moving towards something all of the time, we went from needing hospitalization to living independently over that six year period.
Danielle Lewis (13:46):
Wow. Oh my God. That's just so incredible, isn't it? Yeah. And I love what you just said because I think this applies to everything in life is just small incremental goals. It doesn't matter if you are a carer or you are trying to run a business. The only way sometimes to put one is to put one foot in front of the other.
Christina Johns (14:06):
Absolutely. And it's good to have the big goal. And my big goal for Ashley, for instance, was I don't think that this is what he's designed for. I think he's designed for more, and I hoped for a better future for him, and I held onto that hope until he could take it back and begin hoping for himself and creating his own future. So it's the same with business. You have to have that big picture of where you want to go, but you have to pull yourself out of the clouds and deal with what's in front of you. It's all good to want to be a world renowned coach or author, which is what I want to be, but I still have to cut wood and carry water in order for that to be able to happen. I need to ring clients. I need knock on doors. I'm the best kept secret at the moment. Nobody knows about me. And that's
Danielle Lewis (14:56):
Changing that. We're changing that. No, we're
Christina Johns (14:57):
Changing it. Absolutely. But that's been the problem. I've been so busy with Ashley that I haven't concentrated on my business and now's time to concentrate on that small incremental steps. So I'm just taking the journey again down a different road.
Danielle Lewis (15:13):
I love it. Same
Christina Johns (15:14):
Determination.
Danielle Lewis (15:15):
But that was literally going to be my question to you is how have you gone about being a carer and a business owner at the same time?
Christina Johns (15:23):
In the beginning, it was tough. It was really, really tough because I was so torn between caring and working and caring. Covid was particularly difficult because he loved it because nobody came around. He didn't have to report to any services, and he got into drinking really heavily. So I would see him walk past my window. I knew he was going where he was going. I would see him come back with his backpack. I knew what was in it, and then he would disappear for 24 hours. And I knew what he was doing, and I had to let him do it. And that was one of the toughest things that I've ever done. And I find that most of the carers that I talk to can't do that. I can't let them go to the shops and get the alcohol. They can't let them take the alcohol home and drink it. But if I had intervened in any of those points, he would've never come to the stage where he said, mom, I've had enough. I need help. Because I would've been rescuing him before he was ready to be rescued, but I knew at the same time I could lose him, which meant that I spent a lot of time grieving the life that we didn't have, the life that he was giving up and the terrible time that we were having because of his drinking.
(16:47):
So it was difficult, but when you can make the tough choices for your loved one over your own feelings, it gives them the power to start making choices for themselves.
Danielle Lewis (17:06):
That's huge, isn't it? I reflect on relationships and family in my life. And you're right, sometimes, even though it seems so logical to you what the issue is and the next steps to take, you just can't say, well just do that and then everything will be fine. It just, especially I think when it's family, I mean, how many times do you say something to a family member and then they hear it from someone else and they're like, oh, what about this? And you're like, oh, brilliant idea.
Christina Johns (17:40):
And how many times do we ask a question of someone, what do you want to do for your birthday? And they go, oh, nothing. It's just another birthday. And really are saying, I would like a party down the road and 50 people invited, but they don't say it. And so something I've learned to do is I start listening to people and I start saying back to them, so you don't actually want to do anything for your birthday because I can arrange that. Yeah. Or would you prefer that we arrange something, invited all of your friends? And when you start speaking like that, then you start getting honesty within your relationships. Sorry, I cut you off.
Danielle Lewis (18:15):
No, no, no. I actually just thought it was a great point. I've recently done a, oh, what is it? That human design thing, and someone told me, they said, the way you make decisions is better with options. So if someone gives me this, if someone says, what do you want? I'm like, I don't know. But if they say, would you like this or this? I'm like, oh, that definitely. And it's really interesting because now I use that on myself to ask myself better questions. And it's really interesting. I'd been saying to myself, can I do this? And I'm always like, yeah, I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. And pushing myself. And then I realized when I found that, I was like, oh. I was like, do I want to do that? And I was like, oh, no, I've been chasing the thing that I don't want to do. Just I know I can do it. And so the quality of the questions and the idea of giving people the options so that the brain can process and they can be honest with you or themselves, I just think it's so powerful.
Christina Johns (19:11):
Yeah, it's so incredible. And you find as a carer, this makes me reflect back to the time when he was quite unwell, because with the mental health system, they put them into hospital when they're what I call acutely unwell, which is that they really shouldn't be out, and they keep them in hospital and get them to 80%. Well, but they're still acutely 20% unwell, but they're too well enough for the hospital system because there's another a hundred percent unwell person or 1000% unwell people standing at the door. So they let them out at 20% unwell. And so they're quite acutely unwell when they first come out of hospital. And we came to a situation where towards the end, and Ashley had had a stint of going in and out, in and out of hospital, and eventually it came to the point where the hospital said, well, there's no point in us letting you out of hospital because you're just going to come back in three days or a week.
(20:02):
A week was the maximum that he'd spend out of hospital over a six month period. And then I came into the picture and they're like, well, we would let you go home if you went home with your mom. And I said, well, do you want to do that? So I gave him the choice, do you want to do that? And he said, yeah, yeah, I need to get out of here. I need to go home. And I said, great. I said, well, you know that I just can't afford to have you at home. I said, so I'm going to have to get you to pay some rent. And he's like, yeah, cool. No problems. Thanks mom. I've got to get out of here type thing. So off he goes, comes home, and then the rules start and things start happening and life happens. And he's like, you know what Mommy said to me? It came up, it was about probably couple of months later, and he said, mom, I'm not sure what to do. He said, I've got this flat down the road that I'm paying rent on. I went, yeah. And he said, and I'm paying you rent as well. I went, yeah. He's like, I can't really afford to do both. And I went, yeah, what are you going to do?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I love you. I love you so much. He's like,
Christina Johns (21:11):
I have to make this decision. And I'm like, yeah, I'll support you whatever decision you make. But it was his decision to make. And he decided at that time that he thought it would be better for him to stay with me, which is what I wanted him to do anyway, but I couldn't say that I had to let him make his own decision. And I knew at that time he could walk out the door. He could have made the wrong decision at that choice, but I had to keep giving him the option to start teaching him how to make good choices. So six months down the track, and we're having a heated argument, and he is like, well, this is not working. And I said, well, I understand that it's tough, but I said, you need to understand that there's a door over there and you are welcome to leave at any time.
(21:58):
I'm not making you stay here. And he's like, but you made me give up my flat. I'm like, did I do that or did you make a choice? I said, but either way, you can still, but I've got nowhere to go. And I said, well, that's your problem, not mine. What are you going to do? Well, I don't have a choice. And he stumbled back into his bedroom. We talked about it. But the thing is, he had choices all the way along. He always had choices. And slowly by slowly by making good choices along the way, he started getting rewarded for those good choices because things started happening in his life. And now he's reaping more and more benefits and being surprised every day. It's like watching a young teenager grow up again. It's lovely. Oh my
Danielle Lewis (22:46):
God, that's so cool. And I love it. You're just so spot on, empowering somebody to make their own decisions and make their own choices mean. But I hear you with how hard it is for you to be scared that he makes the wrong choice.
Christina Johns (23:04):
Yeah, absolutely. And at any stage with any of the hundreds and hundreds of choices that I made, I could have lost him easily had lost him to the lifestyle that he was living and the way that he was conducting himself. And some of those stories I've put in the books and some of them like, you're going to have to hold your hat if you read the book. There are some really tough stories in there because I've told it from a mother's heart what I went through, how it felt, what was going through my mind at the time, and descriptively written about my feelings. Because I feel like people need to understand the depth of the, that we go through when you care for somebody else, and also giving them the choice in between. And it's a tough road.
Danielle Lewis (23:55):
And I just love that you are holding space for carers because I do feel like it is a really lonely cross to bear. Sometimes
Christina Johns (24:07):
I think carers are the most unheard about people in the world. Statistically, carers contribute to the Australian economy to the tune of $77.9 million every year in unpaid care.
(24:26):
I'm not sure if that's Australia. I think that might just be Victoria, unpaid carers. There's 2.5 million unpaid carers in Australia, and that's the ones that recognize that they're a carer. I can tell you, for 10 years I was just a mom who was failing with a son who just didn't have his shit together. And I was the problem, and it was my fault that he was doing it. So I didn't even recognize that I was a carer. So a lot of carers are out there being moms or grandmas or aunties or uncles, and they don't recognize themselves as carers, silently battling without any help or assistance. When they do recognize that they're a carer, they're so overwhelmed by their caring role because you don't just have to look after yourself anymore. You've got another person to look after, get them out of bed, get them fed, get them cleaned, get them to appointments.
(25:17):
So not only are you managing your life, you're managing another parallel life to you. And if you've got more than one child, double that. And then if you have a husband and other children, your workload becomes more and more. Some carers have that and go back to work because the carers pension is poverty, full stop poverty the whole way along the lines, the amount of times the power's gone off and the electricity has not been on, or we've run out of wood because we can't light the fire. It's just been crazy, crazy because the government expects us, because we don't speak up, decide to sit back and just accept whatever small pittance they give us. And it's struggle street. So my mission is to start empowering carers through creativity. Teaching them how to create that will allow them to be able to express all of those unresolved feelings that they've got inside.
(26:14):
And creativity doesn't necessarily mean painting like what I've got behind me. It can be cooking can be creative, gardening can be creative. Music can be creative. Creativity is what you want creativity to be. And then using that creativity to give them their voice and give them an opportunity to, well, what if I made a painting and sold it? Or what if I printed something on a T-shirt and offered it for sale? So that's my mission, is to uplift and empower the mindset of carers and give them the strength to be able to claim back what they've given away. Because a lot of us don't realize the cost of caring until it's too late. And unfortunately, a lot of carers are actually dying from caring because they give up and they just don't have anything left in their tank, no support, and they die. I've had friends die because they couldn't cope anymore. And it's devastating.
Danielle Lewis (27:23):
It is. And to think that there are probably people we know that we don't even know are in that situation.
Christina Johns (27:31):
I think it's one in five people. So if you know more than five people, some carers, and they probably just haven't told you, or they don't even know themselves at their carers.
Danielle Lewis (27:41):
Yeah,
Christina Johns (27:43):
It's shocking.
Danielle Lewis (27:44):
It's devastating, isn't it?
Christina Johns (27:46):
It is. It is. So that's why I'm doubting about it.
Danielle Lewis (27:50):
I love it as much
Christina Johns (27:50):
As I can to whoever. I hope that I ruffle some feathers off some people in parliament. Good. They can start seeing, it would be my challenge for someone in government to live off a carer's pension for a month, one month, live off a carer's pension, pay for the electricity, the gas, keep the lights on, buy food, put petrol in the car, and just tell me if you can last a week, because I bet you can't.
Danielle Lewis (28:17):
I bet you're right. Oh, wow, Christina, you are absolutely incredible. For starters. Now, I always love to wrap up our podcast with one last piece of advice. So reflecting on your time in business, all life for that matter, what piece of advice would you give to another woman who is on her business journey?
Christina Johns (28:43):
I think the best piece of advice that I could give you is that anything is possible. I live in a mindset where impossibility is not impossibility. It's I'm possible, which translates to, there is nothing on this earth that I cannot achieve if I set my mind to it, and I'm bloody well going to do that. I turned 61 this year. I went back to school when I turned 50, and I'm only just beginning to live my life because caring took away 50 years. So I've got 50 more years to make up, and I'm just beginning.
Danielle Lewis (29:37):
I am a thousand percent confident that you going to take the next 50 years and just do spectacular things. Thank you. Oh, you are incredible. Thank you so much for being so open and so honest and sharing your journey with the Spark community. I know there will be so many people listening who have really connected with that. So I appreciate you. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to chat.
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