#awinewith Lil Desille
MEET Lil, Founder of Neurokinnection.
You can find them here:
Transcript
Danielle Lewis (00:07):
Lil welcome to Spark tv. I'm so excited to have you on the show.
Lil Desille (00:11):
Excited to be on the show. Thanks for having me.
Danielle Lewis (00:13):
Of course. Anytime. Anytime. Let's dive straight in and tell everybody who you are and what you do.
Lil Desille (00:20):
Okay. So name's Lil, obviously, and I am an autistic, A DHD psychologist, personal trainer, yoga teacher, doing all the fingers in multiple pie bucket kind of things. Nice. And I currently own my business, which is called Neuro Connection, and I'm working with autistic. A DHD is predominantly in therapy, but also group things, couple therapy assessments and diagnosis retreats, workshops. And I've recently released a few products as well. So I like to do a lot of things at the same time.
Danielle Lewis (00:56):
And so you don't sleep?
Lil Desille (00:58):
Oh, I get about five hours a night. It's great.
Danielle Lewis (01:02):
Oh my God, I love it. I love it. I love the multi-passionate entrepreneur. I am guilty of that myself, but I don't think I could have it any other way. I just like shiny things and I like to do
Lil Desille (01:15):
Things and it's just nice because if one project ends, then you've just got about 50 others on the back burner anyway.
Danielle Lewis (01:20):
Exactly. And it gets boring. If there's not lots of new fun things to do, why not?
Lil Desille (01:27):
Very, very true. At some point it does shoot. I do shoot myself on the foot, but so far I am leaning quite ly, so I'm very grateful for that.
Danielle Lewis (01:36):
Oh, that is so good. So how did you get into this?
Lil Desille (01:40):
Well, it started how long ago? So I've only been in business. I'm coming up to my two year anniversary, which I'm super excited about. But two years ago, a little bit before then, I was working for an employer who was totally ripping me off. They were making a pretty good amount of bank and I was copying like nothing. And there was a bit of exploitation in terms of being an autistic A-D-H-D-I being the shiny clinician in the field. So I was like, I know what I'm worth now with what you're charging, and I'd rather just be able to survive and provide for myself. And I feel like a lot of the values were a little bit misaligned. So I said, can I swear?
Danielle Lewis (02:26):
Oh my God, please. I welcome, swear.
Lil Desille (02:28):
So I said Pocket, basically. And I got a one K loan from one of my friends just to start out my space. I got a 10 K personal loan, so I had nothing in my bank just for reference. And I had some very, very loyal clients that were like, we will follow you wherever you go. I'm like, I technically have a clause where I can't say where I'm going, but I have a name and I'm sure
Danielle Lewis (02:54):
You'll find me. Yeah,
Lil Desille (02:55):
Exactly, exactly. So there was a little bit of that and everything just looked online at asic, all the things that you need to do. How do you start a business? How do you do it? So I'm actually a company, but technically a small business owner, just myself. And went from there, found a place, used the 10 K loan to put towards a deposit for rent in advance, and kind of hope for the best. And two years later, I'm almost about to celebrate my rebrand launch and the new things that are coming up for the year. So it's been a bit of a whirlwind, but that's sort of how I started.
Danielle Lewis (03:34):
Nice. That's really interesting, isn't it? I mean, unfortunately my employer was less than delightful story,
Lil Desille (03:44):
Isn't it?
Danielle Lewis (03:45):
Yeah, it really is. And it really sucks. I mean, I know obviously we're business owners. I employ people. I try not to be a dick. I mean, yes, I've got to make money. So it does need to make sense economically, but you don't have to be a dick about it. It is really interesting how many horror stories there are, or not even just horror stories, but ordinary stories there are out there. I don't know, but I guess I think it'll make you a fabulous employer if that's something that you want to explore in the future. Having that background,
Lil Desille (04:17):
I've given it a go. Personally, I think being autistic, I just kind of like to be on my own being said. I do recognize the value of help, and I think because of the expansion that I'm going to be doing, I need to start getting people on board. So I think that subcontractors and contractors are a lot easier. So I think that's where my middle ground is in terms of that. So that way everyone's getting a fair split. And yeah, I think that exposure to all of the history that I've had in jobs, I'm like, no, I don't need to be greedy. I can still get profits without having to be completely over the top about it. So I think that's been something that's at least been a helpful thing.
Danielle Lewis (04:56):
Totally. I, I mean, I always say that we going through this human experience, there's always going to be ups and downs if we take the downs and learn from them and apply them to our lives in meaningful ways, and they're not so bad.
Lil Desille (05:10):
Absolutely. I could not agree more.
Danielle Lewis (05:12):
That's so good. No, I love it. I think it's always interesting to hear people's backstories to figure out how they got to where they went. That's it. I'm starting a business, I'm doing this for myself. So what was that transition like for you? So going from employee to business owner, I mean obviously you said you went out and got some cash financing, you did the research. What was it like for you, I guess as a neurodivergent person going from employee to business owner? How did you find that process?
Lil Desille (05:44):
It was so impulsive, I'm not going to lie. I'm glad that it, so being in Audi, DHD, the autistic side had to follow through the A DH ADHD side's. Like I just like the idea of this, so I'm glad that there's a part of my brain that's like, no, we have to be accountable. But what it was, it was actually a three week process and that was it before I started. So I went from giving my resignation when I found out what the salary was going to be. So I'd actually just finished my master's degree and all my placements had done,
Danielle Lewis (06:19):
And
Lil Desille (06:20):
We had the negotiation around salary. I'm like, whoa, if I had known that as that and panicked. And I was like, I'm not going to be able to sustain myself like this. So within that time, I think it took a week for me to look online, looking at feasibility. I was like, should I hand it in my resignation? And then, yeah, the other two weeks was just looking up, researching, doing the things. And then by the time that was done, I think I had my first client two weeks after. Wow. It's such a quick and fast paced process. And I do credit, I guess the fact that I had time off to explore all of those things, but it was really, really quick. And I suppose because I love doing a deep dive into the research and figuring out all the information, I kind of had everything I needed quickly booked in a meeting with a tax accountant saying, is this everything that I need? Just want to make sure I'm covering my back. And they were like, you do not need to see us. And I was like, alright, cool. And then I just went off that,
Danielle Lewis (07:20):
How good is that? I love it. And sometimes that's the best thing. Just do it. Just get in and do it. You can kind of procrastinate over ideas, not even just starting a business. Even once you have a business, it may be a new product idea or a decision you have to make. We can drag things out for a while. Sometimes just getting in and getting it done is the best way.
Lil Desille (07:41):
Yeah, no, I couldn't agree more. That's definitely, I guess the ethos that I work from, I'm always, it could always get better, throw it out, see how it's responded to, and then you can just maneuver it, fix it, mold it into a way that's more responsive to the people that you're working with and the people that you're directing it at. So yeah, could not agree more.
Danielle Lewis (07:59):
No, and that is such a good philosophy. I love that as well, because also not every idea we have is going to work. So if we spend all this time trying to make it perfect and then get it out there, we're so disappointed when people are like, eh, not so much. But if you kind of get it out there imperfectly, figure it out, get the feedback from your potential customers or your customers and then improve it, I feel like that's the best approach.
Lil Desille (08:25):
Yeah, no, I definitely agree.
Danielle Lewis (08:28):
And what about, so challenges. So obviously it was like, okay, get it done, get launched customer by week three. Okay, now a couple of years on. That's huge. So many businesses don't last that long, so congratulations. That is amazing. What's it been like over the last two years? Any kind of highs and lows for you?
Lil Desille (08:50):
So I think in terms of the lows, it's really been so hitting burnout episodes and really having to monitor for self-care. And I guess when you are running your own business, getting sick, you can't pay yourself for time off. And if you're the only person that's providing the support, you're covering all of the fees, all of the overheads, all of the admin, and I have to say emails that I have to respond to, and I look at my inbox and I go, that's piling up. I should get to that. I should do that. I'm just going to step away from my computer. But I think the admin component of things, it's just a little bit much, but all the more worth it as well. I think that a lot of the highs have really been about the expansion and being so grateful for my clients.
(09:42):
So a lot of the clients that moved over from the practice, to me, I have immense gratitude for and towards and all of the clients that I saw over the last two years, I'm still seeing 'em. So I'm exceptionally grateful for both the loyalty component but the ongoing rapport that I'm building. And I've recently just, so starting the expansion bit, so I've released some products. I have a neurodivergent affirming deck that I created, audio reassurances, and now I'm setting up this space. So for the launch thing that I mentioned, there's going to be a neurodivergent friendly coworking space that I've developed. So I'm setting it all at the moment. And so the fact that there's a room for expansion, the fact that I have the ability to do that I think is something that I'm immensely grateful for and I wouldn't be able to do it without my community.
Danielle Lewis (10:36):
I love that so much. And it's super interesting you mentioning. So going obviously from the practice, the consulting kind of style of business to a physical product to a space that is so exciting, being able to bring in all of those different business models and different revenue streams as well. I love that. What was it like creating a physical product? I'm always super curious about, there's a lot of information out there online around services based work, kind of something that's not easy but easier to dive into if you can. What was it like creating a physical product?
Lil Desille (11:14):
It was very different, I think because it's easier when people need help, you see them. So it's kind of like the income comes in its own way. The idea itself, I think one of the biggest things that I do when I'm creating is I do it for me. It's very selfish in that way, or at least self-oriented. I think about what I would've needed when I was younger in therapy in needing that kind of stuff. So every product that I make is really easy, a creative process for me, and I enjoy the creativity and it's a bit healing in and of itself. Speaking with suppliers bit was a bit tricky. And obviously the cost of investment and then having to look for different distributors. I'm happy to show you the decks if you'd like, but totally. Oh, it was a process, but
Danielle Lewis (12:06):
Did you do it in Australia or offshore?
Lil Desille (12:08):
Yep, in Australia. So I think my first print deck, so the people that I did it with, can I name drop? Because they were Yeah, yeah,
Danielle Lewis (12:15):
Go for it. Anyone that you want to say good things about, go for it.
Lil Desille (12:19):
Eprint in Brisbane, they're a very small company business themselves, and so they do all of the stuff and so they look at dimensions, they do the boxing, and pretty much you get to do it as you go, which I found really, really helpful. And I contacted them and all the conversions I had to do myself, but it was pretty simple. There is some stains on it. I've actually eaten food. This is my copy, but
Danielle Lewis (12:48):
I love it so much. That's out in the wild. This is real life people.
Lil Desille (12:54):
And the first card I actually individually draw and put little card stickers on.
Danielle Lewis (13:00):
Oh my God, that's so cute, so insightful.
Lil Desille (13:04):
And then everything is little, so it's all written with my left hand to look like a child's writing because in a child, and they're all related to neurodivergent things, so it's not always my fault. I'm driven. I give and receive openly. I choose my healing. I'm trying my best. My value is not tied to my productivity, which I'm sure you and I both feed.
Danielle Lewis (13:31):
Thank you. That card was just specifically drawn for me today,
Lil Desille (13:37):
And it's hard not to tie our value to our productivity, assuming as business people in this space, it is really hard and there's always going to be competitors or people bringing out new things, particularly with capitalism and the way that everything rolls in and out. So it's tricky stuff.
Danielle Lewis (13:55):
It's so true though, and it's really interesting because yes, we definitely have divergent people in the Spark community. We have non neurodivergent people. I'm not, but even just that conversation, I've had so many conversations today about rest, so I had Covid last week and being unproductive, it drives me bananas sitting there going, I know I need to rest. I know I need to look after myself, but what about this to-do list. What about building the empire?
Lil Desille (14:25):
And then it's this almost immense guilt for not creating something. And if you push yourself while you're sick, it just makes your sickness go longer, which is not really a fair thing, but it's also, it validates itself for the importance of rest.
Danielle Lewis (14:39):
It so does, and it's so infuriating that it's true. You are so much more productive when you do rest, but also that if you have a day off, the world doesn't actually end. I love that. I do love that card, that your worth, your value is not tied to productivity. Because I feel like as business owners, we do measure ourselves against a to-do list against items done against revenue generated, not always the impact that we have in people's lives.
Lil Desille (15:09):
Absolutely. And I wish there was sort of a measure for that. Maybe I create a resource around that.
Danielle Lewis (15:14):
Yes, do
Lil Desille (15:15):
It. Yeah, it's a tricky thing. And I do think that it's hard to, when you are I guess the OG business owner as well, that's still overseeing everything. A lot of people do like to get managers that oversee and then it sort of gives them that space between, but I dunno about yourself, but for myself, I am like, I need to be there. I need to make sure it's right. I need to make sure that everything that is being produced and created, it needs to be exactly how I want it. And then that's why I don't hire people, then I know that I become this really irritating
Danielle Lewis (15:46):
Micromanager.
Lil Desille (15:47):
Yeah, exactly. Massive, massive micromanager.
Danielle Lewis (15:50):
I know. I try desperately hard not to, but seriously, if I don't hear from people and what they're doing, I just sit there, go and that's all I think about. And I'm like, oh my God, you have them to trust them to do their job. Could you just focus on your job, Danny?
Lil Desille (16:05):
Totally. It's like, no, I don't trust them. That's why I'm worried. I need to know what they're doing. No.
Danielle Lewis (16:10):
Oh my God, I love it. Do you have any tips? It is an interesting thought that popped into my head. As a neurodivergent business owner for other neurodivergent business owners, anything that's worked for you to help you manage overwhelm, manage stress, grow the business, anything like that?
Lil Desille (16:28):
Yes. So first things, first ideas have an idea book where you put down your ideas. Not all of them are going to be solid. Not all of them are going to be followed through, but keep them in there. Most of them are going to be good, and you can tick them off. There's no timeline to do it. Just have them there and accessible. You'll probably lose a notebook, but you'll find it again
Danielle Lewis (16:47):
One day when it needs to come back into your life, it will.
Lil Desille (16:49):
You'll expand when it needs to get spiritual guidance right there. So you could do that. Another thing that I'd say as well is sort of not burning yourself out through visualization. A big thing that neurotypicals actually do is the idea of visualization of your goals. And that's brilliant and I think it's a fantastic idea. But a DHD is actually get the same level of dopamine through visualizing. And so we tend to not do the thing. We've already got our dopamine hit.
Danielle Lewis (17:20):
Oh wow. It's
Lil Desille (17:22):
Really important that we try not to visualize, but we try to action while visualizing because that's what's going to be doing it. So I don't know if you've ever seen Instagram reels or TikTok videos of cooking food and you're like, oh my gosh, that looks so delicious. I'm so keen to cook a meal tonight. And then by the time it's been an hour, you're just like, I don't want to cook tonight. Yeah,
Danielle Lewis (17:42):
I'm over it. I'm full.
Lil Desille (17:44):
I just eating 50 different meals virtually. So it's a little bit like that. And I think that that would be another tip. And then I think my final one would be don't let a failure be the thing that completely crushes you. A lot of us do experience, and this is for everyone, I guess experience this rejection sensitivity of I'm a failure, I can't do this. It didn't work on the first go, and I am not privy to that. I experienced it as well, but it's just about reminding ourselves, particularly if we're trying to set habits or routines for those of us who struggle with that,
Danielle Lewis (18:22):
It's
Lil Desille (18:23):
Okay. Follow with continuity, not consistency. Shoot consistency away. Because consistency is going to be unrealistic, given different demands and different variable days for continuity. Are you still working towards your goal? Are you still trying to do this? Is this not working cool? How can we adapt it? So it's really just about how can we keep progressing and there is a halt, amazing. How can we reflect on how we can change that gear? So I think that's probably as much advice as I could probably give there.
Danielle Lewis (18:55):
I love that actually, because I struggle with consistency and it's really interesting. I always batch create things, so I get a moment of inspiration and I can sit down, I can go for a long time, but I can't do something small every day. It drives me nuts. So I love that. But then I always go, oh, you've got to be consistent. You see that crap online. And then I'm like, I can't do it. I can't do it. So I love continuity. That's such a great word of am I doing something that is working towards my goal? And if that is a yes, then that's great. That's awesome.
Lil Desille (19:33):
Also slide rest in with that. It's still contributing to your goal if
Danielle Lewis (19:38):
You're
Lil Desille (19:38):
Actually giving yourself more energy to do those batch creations.
Danielle Lewis (19:41):
Oh my God, you have just blown my mind that I'm taking that into 2024. Thank you. Oh, that is so good. I love it. I love it. I love it. So what's next for you? What's on the cards this year? So you mentioned the co-working space. How's that evolving? What can we expect to see from you this year?
Lil Desille (20:01):
Okay, so next week's the launch and where
Danielle Lewis (20:05):
Are you based?
Lil Desille (20:06):
Oh, Collingwood in Victoria.
Danielle Lewis (20:08):
Collingwood. Awesome. Yeah,
Lil Desille (20:09):
So there are four different rooms at the moment that are accessible in the year later. I will probably have an extra two. Currently, two are being rented out by the major boss who I'm leasing from, but they are like water, air, fire, and earth. So I've made a, there's theme balls, but they're sensory friendly. So the entire space of the cowork thing, I've got those little wiggle bum chairs. I've got the big jumbo balls, like the Jim balls, I've got seats, beanbags. I've got a sensory space in my work area so that people can go there if they're overstimulated. I've got all of these things and I'm going to be hosting workshops and business related things so people can work on where they're going with their things as well as body double sessions, which is let's get our admin done, but together because it's really hard if we're doing it alone, those kinds of things. The launch for that is next week, and I'm looking to get people in for rooms. So hopefully there'll be some accrual. I've got lots of people that have gotten tickets for the event. So here's hoping.
Danielle Lewis (21:07):
Awesome.
Lil Desille (21:09):
And with that, I'm going to maintain my couples therapy assessments and all of that in the background. And a couple's retreat in April. So I've got three couples already that have signed up looking for three more, but happy with just three As is. But it's with divergent couples, whether they have just one partner that's neuro divergent and one neurotypical, and it will be for four long days, not those preppy four days that they leave at 10:00 AM It's like a three lead, lead thing. Awesome. And my partner and myself will actually be doing the workshops and the training. So I'm offering psychoeducation, I'm helping with communication differences, sensory things, touch, spiritual intimacy, reiki, all of those kinds of things embedded within it. So I'm super keen for that one and all things, sex, relationships and intimacy, that's my special interest. So this is probably the peak thing, and if it goes well, this is the first retreat I would love to do more. So yeah, that's sort of what 2024 is striving towards, but we'll see.
Danielle Lewis (22:16):
That is incredible. I love that. How are you marketing this at the moment? So for all of the different things that you do, are you seeing any? So a lot of our community, well a lot of business owners, we're always interested in how do we get more people in front of our stuff and buying our things. Are you seeing any channels like social or email or ads or anything, like what's working for you at the moment to actually get the word out about all of your products and services?
Lil Desille (22:42):
So I'm part of a few affirming groups for clinicians, and that's sort of where I've gone about with more just my general work. So the therapy assessment stuff in terms of the hub and the co-work space and the retreats. I've been going for Google ads and Facebook, Instagram ads. I've had quite a bit of response with that. It's just a really hard thing. So networking, not my thing. I do like people, but I'm not a people person. I don't network in the same way that a lot of people do. So I think that being thrown into that space is a completely different, we have our strengths, we have our weaknesses, and I think networking is mine. So at the moment, I'm just grateful. I've got three couples signed on board, but also it's about who I think is a big thing too. So I've got three guest speakers next week that are associated within the community, and that's also what's helped to bring people in for the launch next week. So I think it's really about when you do networking. I think it's just networking. That would be my answer. Sorry, it was a long tangent, but I got there.
Danielle Lewis (23:47):
No, I really like it because it's very thoughtful in the sense that it is. I love that it doesn't have to be just a networking event, right? Networking means so much more than that. It means bringing people together through events. It means bringing together experts. It means one-on-one stuff. I think networking kind of gets a bad rap because you think about going to one of those terrible networking events, marketing the badge, here's my business card,
Lil Desille (24:16):
And
Danielle Lewis (24:16):
Then I'm like, ah, no, I love it. That's really, really cool. I'm always interested because people are just hungry to try new things when it comes to growing their business. So good. So I always like to leave our podcasts with one last piece of advice. So for other women out there who are in business, is there any piece of advice that has served you over the last couple of years that you would share with them to help them on their journey?
Lil Desille (24:45):
Listen to your body when it is communicating that you need to slow down. There are actually a lot of signs that your body will tell you without you realizing. So my immune system is absolutely shot. I get sicker a lot faster for a lot longer, particularly when I'm going through stress periods and I start to feel irritable. I'm not someone that often will be I irritated, I get stressed, I get anxious, but the minute that it starts turning into irritability or feeling resentful towards people needing me to do things or that kind of thing, especially compassion fatigue in the work that I'm in, that is such a good cue for me to go, where is my compassion? What do I need to do for myself? Be able to come back into this space without causing harm. Because at the end of the day, it's our responsibility as business owners to keep our shit together and we're providing either a service or a product or something to our community that actually needs to be coming from an authentic place. And if I am irritable, I am not a pleasant person to be around. So it's a really inkling to me, look after yourself, slow it down. Have I had any nourishing food? Have I gone to the bathroom? Have I had water? How's my rest? And just really checking in with myself. I think that that is probably the biggest and the furthest that I can get in terms of advice and where you can go trajectory wise. The more you rest, the more you get to actually do the things you love as well.
Danielle Lewis (26:25):
I love it. Li you are absolutely incredible. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your journey with the Spark community. I appreciate you.
Lil Desille (26:35):
Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
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