#awinewith Lauren Dry
MEET Lauren Dry, Founder of Rise into Regulation.
You can find them here:
Transcript
Danielle Lewis (00:07):
Lauren, welcome to Spark tv. Yay.
Lauren Dry (00:10):
I'm so excited to be here.
Danielle Lewis (00:12):
I'm so excited. Yes,
Lauren Dry (00:17):
I'm feeling very niche today with my rhubarb champagne, but it's delicious.
Danielle Lewis (00:21):
I'm feeling like super average with my regular champagne rhubarb champagne. Sounds amazing. Oh,
Lauren Dry (00:28):
And do you know what? It's delicious. It doesn't sound very nice, but it's delicious. And so I'm down for next time I come across a bottle of rhubarb champagne, and if you see one, there you go.
Danielle Lewis (00:37):
I'm going to buy one. Absolutely.
Lauren Dry (00:38):
Take approval.
Danielle Lewis (00:40):
Totally. This is like the best advertisement of amp champagne. It's endorsing it all over the list.
Lauren Dry (00:48):
Matching with my top two.
Danielle Lewis (00:50):
I know. That is so good. You're so on brand today.
Lauren Dry (00:54):
Feel like it.
Danielle Lewis (00:56):
Oh my gosh, amazing. Well look before you and I know you and I are just going to talk each other's ears off. So before we start, let's start by telling everyone who you are and what you do.
Lauren Dry (01:06):
Well, my name is Lauren Dry and I'm the connection catalyst. I am a transformational relationship and parenting coach. So working with the nervous system, I help driven and ambitious women bring calm and connection and contentment and play back into their home. And I adore what I do. It's absolutely my calling and I feel so privileged to be able to share with so many other women what I experienced as well.
Danielle Lewis (01:37):
I mean, who does not need more calm in their life? I don't have kids, but I feel like I need everything you have. Well,
Lauren Dry (01:48):
What I've found over the years is that a lot of the qualities that help you to be successful help you to be driven, to be focused and go after what you want. When it comes to having a family and having contentment and peace, sometimes they clash. So it takes a whole mind, body, soul approach to balance it all out again so that you can enjoy the moments in between, which is what it's all about. We love all the highs and the thrills of following your calling and following your passion. But when you come home and you're not feeling aligned and just snipping at your partner all the time and not being able to feel balanced with your kids, it doesn't really feel like you quite have those wins that you're really after. And it just takes some balancing and some getting to know your nervous system to come home again and bring that into your home.
Danielle Lewis (02:47):
And it kind of makes you wonder what it's all for. If you're not enjoying the moments, you kind of wonder why you're working your ass off if you're not coming home to love and that spark
Lauren Dry (03:02):
And you start to feel a little bit challenged, all of these qualities that make me so good at one area of my life, how come I can't just tough it out and make it work at home? And then what you figure out as you go on is a lot of the qualities that make you so good at one thing, they might need a bit of balancing or just a new language, some new tools so that they can help modulate the imbalances that come with being probably being strong, being passionate, being driven, and then trying to have peace in your home, trying to find the doorways that match them both together as opposed to it being in conflict.
Danielle Lewis (03:51):
And talk to me about the nervous system. So I find that really interesting, again as being a stressed out business owner. It's something that I'm starting to encounter a little bit. People talking about regulating your nervous system, but what does that even mean?
Lauren Dry (04:10):
Yeah, it's becoming a little bit fatty at the moment, which I love. I'm so excited. When I first started looking into nervous system work, it wasn't very fatty. It was all very new. I had a lot of challenges after having kids and having a successful career and having my own consulting work and finding that the same abilities that I had to kind of nut it out and fix things wasn't working at home. So I was doing the talk therapy. We were doing marriage counseling and meditation and teepees under the moon, if you can think of it. I did it that amazing, right? I was like, I'm going to do all the things. And I was feeling really kind of resentful and bitter. I was like, this is what they say is supposed to make you feel calm. This is what they say. It's supposed to make you feel really regulated.
(05:09):
And it was great when I was in the moment having a good talk therapy session, finding out what happened when I was three and 10 and having a good cry in the teepee in my teepee with some. And it was lovely. But then I'd come home and I'd be like trying to bring all that zen back and then someone wouldn't put their shoes on or we'd be in a fight about the dishes and I was like, oh my God, I can't, how does this work? How am I meant to bring all of that in my day-to-day life as opposed to going away feeling great and then coming home and just being triggered.
(05:45):
And I figured out along the way that we think our brain works actually doesn't work that way. So you have these parts of the brain, the, so to break it down really simple, you've got the higher cortex where you get all that information from talk therapy, you can make considered decisions and understand the consequences of your actions, but then you've got your amygdala or amygdala, there's two little almond shaped organs in the base of your brain and they're like your fire station and it actually operates. So if you're just getting all of this knowledge about what to do and what to say and non-violent communication techniques and aware parenting and what to say to your kids and rah, but your emergency fire station is jumping in ahead and getting in front of your higher cortex, you're kind of left with these guilt responses of I know what I'm supposed to do and say, but when I'm really feeling angry or scared or hurt, I just can't do it.
(06:48):
I lose my temper and I yell or I shut down and I walk away and I can't connect. And that's because your brain is designed that way. So when you realize that and when you realize that 80% of the nerves in your body go from the body to the brain, not the other way around, so you can start to understand how important it is to use the whole body in regulating yourself as opposed to just bullying your body into calming down using your high cortex, that's not really in charge in the first place. It's only in charge of like 20% of the nervous system process from the brain to the body. Everything else is a feedback system, a loop that allows your body to go, okay, is it safe? Can I relax? Can I calm down? Can I reach for the tools in the higher cortex? Because if the amygdala is in charge and it feels that like fight flight for freeze response, it's not going to let you access what you know anyway.
Danielle Lewis (07:44):
So
Lauren Dry (07:44):
When you understand the science behind it and that the science is really only now just starting to catch up to modern psychology, that's when you realize it's not you. It's not that you haven't been doing the tools properly, it's not that what you're learning isn't useful. It's really useful. You read all the books, go to the teepee sessions, you do things parenting great, it's fantastic. And make sure that you've got some tools to work with how your body and your brain operate together so that it's useful and that you can reach it when you need to.
Danielle Lewis (08:18):
I love that because I just love what you said when you said stop bullying your body too. Come and that's exactly what it's like. And even I know as us all high flying, overachieving, business, women listening right now, that's what we do, right? We're like, why haven't I got this? Calm down, do this, meditate, get up at 5:00 AM go for it all it is that bully, bully, bully into. And it's so funny that we take that approach to something like calming down and being a better leader or, wow, that's so interesting that you said that. Are there any kind of small things that we can do
Lauren Dry (09:01):
Absolutely. To take
Danielle Lewis (09:03):
Sense?
Lauren Dry (09:04):
I found when I was discovering embodiment techniques to embody calm and regulation embodiment techniques, the challenge that I was finding is a lot of them, so for example, a lot of people are familiar with tapping. The most popular forms of tapping come with really long scripts. And you do it before and you do it after and you try and figure out what happened. My tools for tapping, I'm the founder of the transformational tapping technique, which is essentially how to use tapping tools in the moment and bridging techniques to get you out of that dissociation where you literally feel out of your body
(09:46):
And they are processes that you can actually use in the moment when you're feeling really, really inflamed. The first thing you should always do is start getting to know your unconscious mind. So we have parts within us, everyone's familiar with your inner child, everyone's familiar with your higher self. I like to refer to the inner child as your feelings and your needs, your precious feelings and needs that are underneath your fighting. You're not really fighting about the dishes. You're feeling lonely, you're feeling unsupported. That's your inner child, the needs of the inner child. And then you've got your higher self, which is actually the knowledge that's in your higher cortex, and probably to do a lot more with your intuition as well. So that's your higher self. We can kind of have familiarity with that. But there's a third part, and that's actually your protector that uses your protector part, uses the amygdala, uses your fight flight, foreign freeze responses to instead of allowing the inner child to say, I'm feeling really lonely and I need some support, jumps in and goes, right, I'm the protector.
(10:43):
I know how to fight. I'm going to just jump in and I'm going to tell you, you should have been home at this time and you need to do this and you need to carry your weight. And I have a lot to do that kind of protective behavior. We need to start getting to know all of our parts so that when we feel that inflammation, we can go, oh, I see you. This is just my protective behavior coming out as opposed to feeling guilt and shame, which makes the protector dig in harder. So first step for me is always get to know your protector. Start to get to know your nervous system, start to have some familiarity with how that behaves. And then what you can do is start to find some safety in reaching for those tools. And it can be anything from one of my favorite, it's called a bridging technique. So a bridging embodiment tool is something that allows you, because what you'll be familiar with is if you're feeling really inflamed and you're kind of in the moment, you're in the zone and you're trying to get all these things done, the last thing you want to be doing is meditating and taking 10 big breaths.
Danielle Lewis (11:45):
Yeah,
Lauren Dry (11:46):
You're a mother. It feels
Danielle Lewis (11:47):
Infuriating doing that. Sometimes
Lauren Dry (11:49):
It's infuriating and you're a mother, you'll understand what it feels like to tell your children that too. Take 10 big breaths, sweetie. They're like, no doing it. What that feels like. They're just saying what we're all thinking. Yeah, exactly. So what you need is a bridging tool. And when you're in a state of dissociation or dysregulation, it's like your brain and your body is separate. And that's a survival technique because you don't need to be learning, you don't need to be digesting, you don't need to be healing if you think a tiger is chasing you, and really when your kids won't put your shoes on and the dishes aren't done, sometimes your brain genuinely believes it's the same thing as a tiger chasing you so it releases all the same chemicals. So bridging technique allows you to work with that response so you can start to come a bit closer to your body and start reaching for tapping tools without it feeling like, hell no, I'm not going to do that.
(12:36):
Really simple one that I want to share with you to play with. So the pillars of my work are curiosity, compassion, and play. I love that. The first time a couple of times you might reach for it, you're like, nah, this isn't doing anything. And that's okay. It's a bridging tool. It's not meant to fix everything, but it's going you to start to come a little bit closer to your body, start to bridge the gap between the amygdala and the higher cortex. Start to bridge the gap between your danger, your fire station response, your protector and your higher self so that you talk about the feelings of the inner child better. So I would recommend playing with tools that allow you to remember that you've got a body again, and a really good one to start with is just four finger taps. Peace is within me.
(13:21):
Peace is within me touching each one of your fingertips. Make it nice, solid tap. If you're just kind of tickling your fingers there, it's not really going to do anything now. It is a bridging tool and it's just going to start to bring you a little bit of awareness. I guarantee you, no matter how inflamed you are, you're going to be able to do this. You can be able to fiddle with your fingers. It's going to start giving you a little bit of a bridge back to yourself so that you can say, am I safe or am I not safe? Is this a really big dangerous life-threatening problem or is this a conversation about the dishes and perhaps I need to take a minute, do some regulation work, and then come back to the problem from a place where I'm not feeling inflamed so I can get my needs met as opposed to getting in that loop, that cyclical loop that doesn't go anywhere and doesn't help you in the end.
(14:13):
So it's all about just giving you bridges closer, closer, closer back to yourself so that your body can start feeding back to your brain that there's no danger, there's no tiger chasing you. You're going to be okay. You can start accessing the information in your higher cortex again and showing up the way that you want to. And the more regulated you are, the more you'll be able to model that not only to your children but your partner as well. And you're not going to be two people just clashing against the world. You'll be able to start being a team again. It's beautiful practice and that's probably the first one on a short podcast. I would say start playing with it. Curious question and play. See where it takes you.
Danielle Lewis (14:53):
This is so good. I'm just sitting here thinking about in business, when you are staring down a huge page full of to-dos and you're so overwhelmed and you don't want to do a thing and you know that you need to get all of this work done, but you can't even put one foot in front of the other. I actually, I know this is kind of off topic a little bit, but this concept of a bridging technique of finding a way to get out of the overwhelm, out of being triggered and actually being able to put one foot in front of the other, I almost feel like this idea of doing that, that piece is within me. Just something small to get you back in your body is actually applicable to work as well.
Lauren Dry (15:40):
It's so important, and it's funny that you mentioned that in relation to work, one invitation I would give you is what I spoke about right at the start is get to know your nervous system and then use the tools. So another really beautiful way to get to know your nervous system and what's stopping you from doing the work and getting stuck on that to-do list is do a body scan and the body scan tells you, okay, where is my key point? So for me, my key point when I'm feeling locked and I don't want to reach for my tapping tools, I don't even want to reach for my bridging tools. I'm locked in either that dissociation or hyper focus or hyper vigilance, which yeah, can help you get things done when you're in the zone. But if you're trying to connect to your family or if you're trying to drop into that beautiful fluid motion that allows you to produce amazing work, find your lock point.
(16:32):
And for me, my lock point is my jaw. So when I'm feeling really locked, dissociated, and kind of shut off from myself, the first point I always go to, and you can find your point by doing a body scan, you might find you're feeling tense and anxious and butterflies in your belly. You might feel like you have shallow breathing. You might feel your shoulders are really tense. But for me, as I do the scan, I come closer, closer, closer, closer, closer, and I go to my jaw. I go, where do I want to move? Where do I want to move? All of these things don't feel great, but the first thing that I have the capacity to move is my jaw. And what's really interesting is I am notorious for grinding my teeth or tapping my jaw along to a beat. So it's a key point for my nervous system.
(17:13):
And if I can stretch my jaw out and move it around, suddenly I'm able to take a breath in and then I'm able to put my hand on my belly and use an embodiment technique to regulate and remind my body where your parasympathetic safety nervous system is, which is actually in your intestines. How crazy is that? If you chicken and egg scenario, if your digestion's off, your mindset might be off. So they're linked together. Your safety nervous system actually gives you a lot of feedback to your brain if your gut's out of line and vice versa. So I'm able to use my embodiment techniques, but the key point for me is my jaw unlock the jaw and then you can slowly start to reach for more tools, pieces within me, take a deep breath, reach for an embodiment tool, reach for your tapping.
Danielle Lewis (18:02):
This is so good. I already know mine's my shoulders. I can feel myself being tense right here.
Lauren Dry (18:08):
And how cool is that? So if you did your body scan, you might find, okay, I'm crossing my legs or I'm filling with my pen or something. But that body scan is, I don't want to change my hands. I don't want to change my legs. Hang on, what can I move first? Where's my lock point? And then you go, okay, I'll start with my shoulders.
Danielle Lewis (18:24):
Yeah,
Lauren Dry (18:24):
Wow, okay, now I can take a breath and it's a cascade effect, but if we just find that bridging point first, you can start to come into regulation and with respect for your protective part, because what we're not doing with a lot of embodiment techniques, a lot of regulation techniques, we are not trying to beat your protective part into submission by going, I don't care how uncomfortable you are, we're going to take 10 big breaths. I don't care how dissociated you are, we are going to use these calm down tools and we're going to say the right thing or do the right thing. These protective parts, these behaviors, they came from a place that once upon a time really did keep you safe, whether it's emotionally or physically or whatever the situation was, either in your childhood or just as nervous system behaviors and habits you picked up along the way. So we had to work with
Danielle Lewis (19:11):
It
Lauren Dry (19:13):
And not just again, bully our brain into submission
Danielle Lewis (19:17):
By
Lauren Dry (19:18):
Bypassing all of these nervous system tools that are actually in built within us to help us regulate in a holistic way
Danielle Lewis (19:27):
With
Lauren Dry (19:27):
The body and the soul.
Danielle Lewis (19:30):
I love it. I'm even just thinking, I was literally having a conversation with my partner this morning and we're both super stressed at work. We're both, there's all this stuff happening around the home and we had that conversation, is everything okay? And we're like, oh, well, I think I'm a bit stressed. And he's like, I know I'm being a bit stressed and not present. I was literally just thinking just before I walk out of my office actually doing that body scan and figuring out, I know in myself right now, I'm just in this lockdown mode. I'm out there talking to him, but really I'm just thinking about work and being stressed about all the things I haven't done. Totally. I literally had this conversation on text this morning and I was like, that's what I need to do. I actually need to stop and figure out where I'm holding and let it go so that when I do walk out into the kitchen and have a conversation, I'm not actually physically more mentally back in my office,
Lauren Dry (20:27):
But it gives you some emotional literacy as well, so that instead of walking into a conversation being like, right, I'm going to tough my way through this. We're going to connect going to be fine. And in the background you're bubbling away going, oh my God, I've got so much to do. He's being so frustrating. Why can't he just deal with it? Have a language. Why are you asking me what's for dinner? Exactly right. It gives you some emotional literacy tools because you're getting to know your body more. And when you get to know your body more, you get to know your nervous system more. And when you get to know your nervous system more, you can get to know, again, probably your most precious part, your inner child, which relates to your feelings and your needs. And so if you do that scan beforehand, you're like, okay, I'm feeling locked up.
(21:10):
Okay, this locking up comes from my work and I don't want to let that go. I'm really kind of passionate about that. I want to stay in this zone. Okay, can I give my body some safety so that it doesn't feel like it's letting something go into the wind and it'll all get lost? I can give that reassurance to my body and that way when I'm feeling reassured, I can show up in a conversation and instead of saying, how was your day? Mine was busy. Okay, let's just get you were able to say, Hey, oh my gosh, I'm feeling a little fragile today because I've got so many balls in the air and I need some, you know what the need is because given it to your body, this is the embodiment tools. As you move through the motions, you find out you're feeling and your need.
(21:57):
You say, I need some support, or you say, I need some space for five minutes and then I'm going to be able to come back. So it's that understanding and that emotional literacy with yourself which allows you to connect better. And what's so cool is that when you start to do that, the people around you pick up on it and then they start doing it too, especially children. So yes, your partner is going to start doing that too. Most people don't actually learn the most effectively by being told what to do. They learn by seeing it being modeled, especially for children. They don't care what you say. They watch what you do. And if you start showing up with your children, go, sweetie, oh my goodness, I've had such a full on day. I'm feeling a little fragile. I'm feeling like I'm trying to do all of these things and I'm wondering if you can give me a hug.
(22:48):
I would love that. That's so much better than walking in the door after a massive day and they've just finished school, so they're feeling hectic and all over the shop and going, right dinner's on, pay attention, take your shoes off, get in the bath, and then just shoving 'em into bed as quickly as possible so that you can get back to business. You can have it both ways. And the saying that I really love is that it's very unfashionable to say that you can have it all, but if you work with your nervous system, you can design your life and your relationships and your family environment in a way that gets all of you and all of your needs met in a way that you can have it all, but not in a way where you're burnt out and fried and feeling like there's never going to be enough.
(23:36):
There's never enough hours in the day. We just can't get it done. My husband and I, he has his own business. I've got this, I like to call it my calling. I happily do this 24 7. I've got to be careful not to stay up till two o'clock in the morning. I love that and eat my own words. But we also homeschool and we've got a life that we're out. We've got seven acres out here and some goats and some chickens. We found a balance that works for us because we've actually shown that curiosity about what do I need, what do I feel, and how can we make this work for us in a way that feels fulfilling is to burn out burnout, burnout and just put out fires in the other areas that aren't getting my attention.
Danielle Lewis (24:20):
I love the idea of the doing rather than saying as well. I think us as women, we tend to research and find these new ways of solving problems, but when it comes to if you say to your partner, let's try this, it's kind of uncomfortable because new and it's kind of like, well, you didn't try. Well, you didn't try, but if you show up and just do, you're so right. It kind of makes it a little bit safer for each other to just give it a go.
Lauren Dry (24:57):
And what I really love is that 80% of communication is nonverbal. So for example, if I was to sit there and my husband walks in the door and I'm feeling really stressed and kind of like haven't been managing my regulation or working with my nervous system, but I want to connect and I haven't done the work, I can say the most wonderful things. Hi honey, I've really missed you. How was your day today? But it will come out like this. Hi honey, I've missed you. How was your day today?
Danielle Lewis (25:31):
Yeah,
Lauren Dry (25:32):
Tone of my voice on the podcast. Even if you're not watching without the body language, you could hear the bullshit. You're like, yeah, we don't care. Whereas if you do the regulation and even if you say something that's a bit off, like, oh my God, what a day. That's not really an invitation for connection, but if you've done the work, oh, honey, what a day, your whole body relaxes. Your voice changes, and it's an invitation. And when we recognize that the power that we have when we work with our body, the power that we have when we work to bring our parts together as a team is so fluid, it's so effortless that it's a crime, that it's not been really made more obvious to us now. Because a lot of that resentment that comes with going to couples counseling or working on parenting methods is how come I have to do all of this? I'm just one person. Whereas when you work with your nervous system, it comes a nourishing exercise, oh my gosh, I feel so great. I'm doing this for myself. And then when you show up, you have clarity about what your boundaries are. You have clarity about what your energetic boundaries are, and because you feel nourished, people seem to just meet you there or notice when you don't have the capacity and it doesn't feel like a flag to a ball.
(27:01):
There's this really cool video that went viral recently of this bull being let loose in an arena with university students. So I'd love to see the disclaimer or the sign, the
Danielle Lewis (27:15):
Waivers being signed. Yes, the
Lauren Dry (27:16):
Waivers. Sorry, that was the word I was after. Yeah, yeah. Being signed because this bull, the university students were scattered around the arena in about two to three meters apart, and they were standing still like a statue. And this bucking bull was going in and out of all the students and didn't knock a single one of them down because they weren't a threat. The bull's not blind. You could quite clearly see that these were people, but it's such a beautiful model of how having a net regulated nervous system allows you to show up in the world
Danielle Lewis (27:50):
Because
Lauren Dry (27:51):
If you are regulated, it doesn't even matter if there's a bull bucking around you, it doesn't see you as a threat or a challenge, and it'll eventually buck itself out and it's not going to hurt you because you have your own clarity about your boundaries, what you need, where your capacity levels are, and how to communicate. So it is just kind of a non-issue, and that person has to go take care of themselves or has to come to you in a regulated way if it wants to interact.
Danielle Lewis (28:17):
This is incredible. How did you get here? So has this always been an area of focus? Did you have a career beforehand? How did you actually get here?
Lauren Dry (28:31):
Yeah, so I had a really wonderful career, which I loved in human resources. And then I had a family and I thought, I'll take a couple of years off, but I missed it. And so I started doing consulting work, helping businesses to retain and get new contracts. And I loved it, and it was a great career and it was very fulfilling. But I was recognizing that even though I wanted that passion when I was trying to focus on it, when I came home, again, I wasn't the mother that I wanted to be. I felt like I wanted to escape. I felt like it was a choice between either be successful and fulfilled at work or have enough energy to be the kind of mom that I wanted to be. And I was quite bitter about it. And I wasn't enjoying marriage. We were roommates at that point. I was like, what? And I was feeling resentful. I was like, I've done all the things. Aren't you supposed to have the kids get married, then go back to your career and have your passions and that's it. You're meant to be content. You tick the boxes, you
Danielle Lewis (29:39):
Tick all the boxes. Yeah,
Lauren Dry (29:42):
I did what they said I was supposed to do. I even did the therapy and everything. Wow. And I was pissed, to be honest. So I started down a path of finding alternative forms of therapy. And on my journey, this was when kind of nervous system regulation information was very, very new. It was like a light bulb went off in my head and I thought to myself, and I just went, oh my gosh, this makes so much sense. And I started with the nervous system regulation work. However, there was a point where even when I was doing the nervous system regulation work and I had adjusted it and created this method, and I was also because as you are when you're highly ambitious and you're driven and you really kind of lack getting to know all the things, I wasn't aware parenting circle facilitator. So I was helping other moms to know what the right tools were to do, but I felt like a little bit of a hypocrite because sometimes I could access it and sometimes I couldn't.
(30:46):
The nervous system tools were really great. The parenting tools were really great. The heart-centered counseling, which we'd done was really great, gave me a lot of tools. But when I was really inflamed, it was still very challenging sometimes to access that. And I had a lot of negative, I was very hard on myself. And as women often are, yes, and I was really hypervigilant. I was constantly worried about the kids. I found it difficult to just kind of rest and connect with them. At the end of the day, I'll just be replaying in my mind, what did I do wrong? What could I have done better? And there was one night where I was lying in bed with my daughter and I thought, I feel like I've stuffed up the whole day just by worrying about what could go wrong. So even though I had the nervous system tools and they were wonderful and supportive, there was still one missing piece.
(31:33):
And for me, it was the parts work. It was finding that last doorway of being able to allow the different parts of my brain to communicate again as opposed to, I can help you regulate. It's now I trust you to be able to regulate because I trust that I understand that my protector part, these inflammatory behaviors, either losing my temper or shutting down, I'm not ashamed of that part of myself anymore. It actually comes from a place of deep love. And it doesn't matter if that protective part came from microtrauma or complex trauma that is so common with so many mothers and women of this generation who were raised by parents who were very strict, very loving, but very, very strict and didn't know how to emotionally connect with you or microtrauma really big traumatic events that protective part created behaviors of, and even identities of being the strong one, being the successful one being whatever it is, whatever that identity is, it came from a place of love and it really did help and serve to protect you for a long time. So when you start to understand that and work with unconscious mind tools, I'm a qualified hypnotherapist now. I'm a parts work integrative specialist as well. All of that comes together to be able to allow the parts of yourself within you that did split because they had to. It's dangerous to be a child who's only showing up, talking about their feelings and needs 24 7, knowing that they're not going to get met. So these splits happen to protect those parts.
(33:10):
Finding a way to bring them back all together so that they can be friends as opposed to the inner child being a bit pissed and saying, well, how come this protective part is getting in the way all the time? I want to connect and feeling ashamed that you can't reach for the tools in the higher self. It's a real integrative process, and it did take me a long time to collect all of these tools and this knowledge, but it's the work of my life to have programs available to be able to share that with women and share that with people and share that in platforms like this. I'm really privileged and it's a blessing. I feel very blessed.
Danielle Lewis (33:46):
Well, we are privileged that you have done the work that you can bring it to us so that we can sort
Lauren Dry (33:51):
Out. I've been through the fire for you. I've got you. No, but it's
Danielle Lewis (33:55):
So good. It's incredible because I love how it's not that you went and took a course and then you repurposed it as your own. You are someone that has had a varied lived experience and you've gone out and you've tried different things, and you have come up with something new that actually does help people bridge a gap, and it's just incredible. Good on you. You are bloody amazing.
Lauren Dry (34:22):
You thank you. My favorite thing is when I finish work with a client and they're starting to do it as well, I'm in the process of trying to recruit some of my ex clients because they say the same thing. They're like, oh my God, you talk about it and you look like someone who's regulated and calm all the time. And I didn't think it was accessible. And watching that in people, you realize that you can help people just by being yourself. The last client who I just finished up with recently, she put a beautiful review out for me was that she didn't think it was possible, but by doing it herself now, her relationship with her parents relationship, her relationship with her partner, her relationship with her kids, they're doing and saying all the things that she's doing, and they didn't do the work. They didn't do the course.
(35:15):
Wow. So it goes back to modeling, doesn't it? Yes. When you can regulate for yourself, it's not about forcing and dragging other people along with you. You can actually change the world. You can change your family. You can change your relationships. You can change how you show up in your business just by showing a bit of love and compassion, some curiosity, some compassion, and some play with some new tools. And there's so much information out there, and there's so much brilliance that's evolving at the moment that helps you to come into alignment with all of those parts. And it's amazing. It's a beautiful thing, and I think it's really been missing for a long time, and it's very empowering to be able to say that if you show a little bit of love to yourself, you really can have a huge effect on the world around you. And that's pretty powerful. It's pretty special.
Danielle Lewis (36:13):
It is. And it's really interesting as you're talking and talking about showing up and showing the compassion, the love for yourself, and how that radiates or any, that's literally the vision. The picture in my mind is that idea that your energy is touching the people around you and having that positive impact, whether it is family, partner, kids, work colleagues, whoever it is that I think has the capacity to have huge impact.
Lauren Dry (36:40):
Huge. Absolutely. And it's a really rewarding experience when you can show up and have a comment from someone that's like, oh, I had a comment from someone who actually wasn't a client. She'd messaged me and said, I saw you at the dentist with your children who seemed so calm. And I said to her, I really appreciated that. I really appreciate the comment that you made. And what really resonated most for me in her message was that she said it was a breath of fresh air to be able to see what's possible. And that's not something that's unique to one person. It's not just, oh, okay, because I've done this work and I've done that, I'm just going to be separate or unique.
Danielle Lewis (37:37):
The
Lauren Dry (37:37):
Tools are really repeatable and they're really, really usable. And I try and release as much free information as I can because I think we will need it.
Danielle Lewis (37:47):
Totally. Yeah. Everyone needs to stalk you on Instagram because it's incredible.
Lauren Dry (37:51):
Thank you. And I think that when you have that passion for something, you really are in a place where you can do your utmost release as much information as possible to be supportive. And also, if there's people who have the capacity to do work that's even deeper, that's available to them too. And in as many podcasts and as many videos on Instagram, I can do, I'll promise to keep showing up and sharing as much as I can about what has worked for me. And it's nice to be able to say that. It's nice to be able to say that from a really grounded place of what actually has worked. And then in my clients, oh my gosh, I almost didn't believe you. It sounded too good to be true that I'm doing it. I can't believe it. So that's really rewarding.
Danielle Lewis (38:45):
And it's so cool. I mean, it makes me think my background is sales, right? And my shtick is, I will give you the tools. I will tell you, if you want to grow your business, if you want to make more sales, blah, blah, blah, here's how to do it. And you can tell people how to do it, but if they don't actually do the work, it doesn't actually land. But I love how in this sense, that's exactly what you're doing. You're showing up and you're saying, try this. This has worked for me. This has worked for many other people. Just give it a go. And then as you say, if they've got capacity to work more deeply with you, then they can. And that's incredible. It's just a great model of showing up and offering value and having an impact in other people's lives through Instagram or through podcasts or whatever it might be.
Lauren Dry (39:35):
And I love what you said there about just trying,
Danielle Lewis (39:38):
Because
Lauren Dry (39:38):
When you just try, that's one of the three pillars of my work, curiosity, compassion, and play. Because then you get to find out why it's not working, and then you go use a bit of curiosity, go a bit closer, find out why your protector is getting like, oh, this feels a little resistant to me. It might be the first time you've ever even asked. It might be the first time that your projector has ever been seen and given a chance to say, I'm really trying. I'm not a bad guy. I'm just trying to show my love for you, the only way I know how.
Danielle Lewis (40:05):
And then
Lauren Dry (40:06):
Because you've got that safety, a little bit of a new relationship, it starts to feel a little bit more safe to be able to try something new.
Danielle Lewis (40:12):
I love it. Well, if we leave everyone with one idea today, try something new actually, just to give it a go. It's awesome,
Lauren Dry (40:21):
Right? Yeah, yeah.
Danielle Lewis (40:22):
Definitely. Amazing. You are absolutely incredible. Love. Thank you so much for sharing
Lauren Dry (40:29):
Your wisdom. Cheers.
Danielle Lewis (40:31):
I love
Lauren Dry (40:31):
It so much. Here's my rhubarb champagne.
Danielle Lewis (40:34):
Well, that's your treat now for sharing your wisdom with the Spark community. I'm so grateful for you, and I'm walking away today with tools that I can implement myself, which means I know that the woman who is listening right now has gotten that as well. So thank you. You're
Lauren Dry (40:52):
So welcome. And I can't wait to see. I'd love to hear if anyone's listening, if they can do that body scan and find out what their key is. I love that you think that you found that yours is your shoulders and mine's definitely. That's really cool. So yeah, play curiosity, compassion, and play, and I'm so privileged. Thank you so much for having me. I always love hanging out with you. It's a joy.
Danielle Lewis (41:15):
So good. And yes, and we'll absolutely link up everything so that people can connect and share their experiences with you as well.
Lauren Dry (41:22):
Awesome. Thank you so much, Danielle.
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