#awinewith Jolinda Johnson
MEET Jolinda, founder of Jolinda.
You can find them here:
Transcript
Danielle Lewis (00:07):
Jolinda, welcome to Spark tv.
Jolinda Johnson (00:10):
Hello, Danielle. Such a pleasure to be here.
Danielle Lewis (00:13):
I'm so excited because we have literally just talked for the last hour and not hit record, and we've never met before. We've never met before. It's been the most amazing conversation and we are, I feel like we are just scratching the surface, so I'm glad we took a pause and we hit record so that we can share I'll
Jolinda Johnson (00:38):
Everyone else in on our conversation.
Danielle Lewis (00:40):
I know. So good. Let's start. Let's just provide everyone with some context then. I know you and I are just going to start going for it. Let's tell everyone who you are and what you do. Just to start things off.
Jolinda Johnson (00:53):
Yes, I'm Johnson and I'm an award-winning life coach, health coach and menopause coaching specialist. I am really passionate about helping people specifically in midlife to develop their resilience and rise stronger so they can thrive longer. But as Danielle and I were talking earlier,
(01:18):
I've recently gotten a download for what's coming in my business because I'm so passionate about resilience and that's my book in the background resilience. And because I'm so passionate about helping people to come back to themselves after they've had inevitable setbacks in life, that I really want to broaden things and not just focus on midlife, but coaches, business owners, those who are really trying to make an impact in the world and need to take a pause and foster their resilience so they can keep going, keep rising and keep being those brilliant change makers that they have envisioned themselves to be. So Johnson burnout, resilience and helping you to rise again and yet again. Beautiful.
Danielle Lewis (02:27):
It is just gorgeous and I am so excited that we're going to have a conversation about more deeply about resilience because I feel like for the last 12 years I've been a business owner. It's been the common theme.
Jolinda Johnson (02:41):
Yes,
Danielle Lewis (02:42):
Yes. It's really interesting because, and I love also your acknowledgement, so yes, you do a lot of work right now in the midlife, but resilience I think can affect any at any time
Jolinda Johnson (03:01):
Or the needs
Danielle Lewis (03:01):
For resilience.
Jolinda Johnson (03:03):
Yeah. Well, I have a nine-year-old son, and that's something that I work on with him all the time because the sooner we can learn these tools of self-compassion, better boundaries, self-awareness, emotional regulation, as well as supporting our physical body, the sooner we can have these things ingrained and as our default settings, the longer we have to really thrive in this one and only lifetime that we have.
Danielle Lewis (03:47):
You know what, I love that you just said. So when I think about resilience, I think about, just try again, Danielle, just get back up. Try again. But I love that you just said the words self-compassion. Absolutely self-awareness, and I was like, oh, I don't know if I've ever been that kind to myself.
Jolinda Johnson (04:12):
Self-compassion is a huge component of resilience because especially by the time we get to midlife, a lot of us, especially if we're high achievers, which I don't get the impression that you're a high achiever at all, Danielle, you're not
Danielle Lewis (04:31):
Someone,
Jolinda Johnson (04:39):
I kind of realized that I was a high achiever before I became involved with my current partner, but he points it out all the time. And I think that's one of the things and self-awareness, because we know as well from the research that when you choose to be kind to yourself, when you are mindful of your feelings, acknowledge that your experience is not uniquely yours. In other words, this is not all your fault and you choose to speak kindly to yourself in the face of challenges that it actually helps you to recover much more quickly and be emotionally available for the task at hand to take that inspired action and keep moving forward and not just get stuck in the freeze response of, I don't know what to do and I can't get out of this. But the self-awareness piece is also key because so many of us, let's take it out of midlife and just put it into business. If you're working for yourself, and I'm guessing many of your listeners, do
(05:57):
You know that so many things happen as an entrepreneur that are completely out of your control? And if we are constantly thinking, well, this is all about me, or if we are unaware of the circumstances, and a lot of times what happens when we're in the stress response is we mitigate the circumstances and we put an extreme value on what we have to do to overcome those circumstances. So it's like the circumstances are insane, but I should be able to handle it. There are all of these things that are out of my control, but I'm not interested in acknowledging that it's all under my control. I just have to do a little more. I just have to put myself a little. I have figured it out. I just have to figure out, it's like the missing piece, and until I get there, I'm going to deny myself rest. I'm going to deny myself sleep, I'm going to skip meals, I'm going to withhold comfort. That's another thing that I noticed about myself recently. Speaking of self-awareness, when I am in the process of achieving a goal, I tend to withhold comfort from myself.
Danielle Lewis (07:30):
Oh my God, I do this too. I say, you don't deserve
Jolinda Johnson (07:34):
That yet. Exactly. How bad is that? And if you think of, because a lot of speaking of boundaries, we speak all the time about boundaries that have to do with other people, but we very rarely look at boundaries as they apply to self boundaries. And self boundaries have to do with parenting ourselves. So when you know you're supposed to go to bed at a certain time and you choose to push past that because you haven't gotten everything done or because you've pushed yourself so hard during the day, you haven't had any time to have fun, and so your fun is binging in front of the latest show on Netflix. Another self boundary would be if you tend to give and give and give and to say, to have that self-awareness and to say, wow, I'm actually feeling pretty depleted. Maybe I need to say no so that I can recover some of that energy. Self boundaries are really uncomfortable for most of us because we're not used to, first they involve self-awareness, and second, they involve for a lot of times giving up things that we enjoy. So saying no to alcohol or stopping at that first drink another self boundary. And it's like if you've associated certain activities with fun and entertaining in the short term, but they're actually contributing to your anxiety, to your exhaustion, to your depletion in the long term, it can be really hard to say, actually, no, I need to do different. I need to make different decisions. Yes. But no matter what you're experiencing, being kind to yourself and having the courage to fully acknowledge your feelings is a huge step when it comes to moving in the direction of resilience. Yeah.
Danielle Lewis (09:52):
How did you even get into this? So I mean, I just feel like, so life coach, health coach, menopause, you've been doing this for a long time. You are awarded, you pointed to a book like This is incredible. How did this come about? Did you have a different career beforehand? Did you study this? Where did this come from and how did we get here?
Jolinda Johnson (10:25):
Yes. Well, I did have a different career before this. I was a teacher for 10 years.
Danielle Lewis (10:30):
Wow, cool.
Jolinda Johnson (10:32):
Which was never my intention either.
Danielle Lewis (10:35):
I love
Jolinda Johnson (10:35):
It. I graduated from Columbia in New York City in 2004, and I was supposed to either go to law school or become a diplomat and go into the foreign service. But before I did either of those things, I wanted to take a little bit of time and give back, so to speak. So I took a break and enrolled in, well, I applied and then was accepted, better said as a New York City teaching fellow, and they agreed. At that time, the deal was that the city of New York would give you your master's degree, pay for your master's degree while you taught in a high needs schools. So schools with students who were at some kind of economic disadvantage because that's a good break.
Danielle Lewis (11:40):
Yeah. I'm like, this sounds hectic. What happened to a gap year? What happened to a gap year in Bali or something, teaching full time
Jolinda Johnson (11:49):
At a high needs school while also getting your master's degree, but that's what I
Danielle Lewis (11:55):
Did. Sounds like another high achiever to me.
Jolinda Johnson (11:57):
Exactly. Yes, exactly. And also spending one of those summers because all of my students, I had already studied Spanish in college, but I switched to Arabic halfway through because my specialization was in North African, the Middle East, hence why everyone thought I was going to go into international law or diplomacy. At that point, I had studied Spanish, French and Arabic, and I was like, okay, but I'm not fluent enough in Spanish. So I spent one of those summers in Guatemala, in the mountains of Guatemala while doing all of my coursework online, and that was still a totally new thing. So I remember, I mean, yes, but this is the thing is that a lot of times as high achievers, we don't even realize that we're doing all this stuff.
Danielle Lewis (12:47):
No, absolutely.
Jolinda Johnson (12:48):
It's normal.
Danielle Lewis (12:50):
Yeah, it's just
Jolinda Johnson (12:51):
Normal. And so long story after that experience, I moved back to Michigan because I was engaged to someone who I had grown up with, and shortly after moving back to Michigan from New York City, I realized, no, this isn't going to work. And I thought, what do I do now? Do I just go to law school or maybe I should take the opportunity to live abroad for a year and then go to law school or then apply to the foreign service? Because those were still things that everyone else wanted me to do. I hadn't really learned how to get in touch with my own soul's calling. I just was still in that space of this is a widely accepted path for someone who has my level of intelligence and my education. And you don't go to a school like Columbia to just do the average thing, which is honestly something I had to deal with for many years. That kind of weight of wow, I've invested so much in a certain path that now has nothing to do with what I actually want to do
Danielle Lewis (14:14):
Because I feel like that comes up for business owners all the time. I've spent years positioning myself as this. I don't want to do it anymore. But you have this tie to, well, that's how I make money. How will I live? Or what's everyone going to think about me? Or It's really heavy,
Jolinda Johnson (14:37):
Or what other people have heavily invested in you, which is another thing that comes up in business. If you have raised funds or have VCs or have a team that is going to have to change their lives radically as a result of your decision, and a lot of us are not comfortable in that space of release and surrender, and sometimes you have to choose your heart. Sometimes there aren't easy decisions. You're going to have to experience a challenge one way or another, which is the challenge that is going to be, I think for me, which is the challenge that is going to bring me, ultimately bring me to my true path.
(15:35):
Because if I have to experience challenges as a result of making decisions that are true to myself and my soul's calling that are made from a place of integrity and authenticity, then even if I have to experience struggle in the meantime, ultimately I'm going to be at peace. But if I have to deal with the other type of hard, which is pushing to make myself fit in to something that makes sense but doesn't feel right, that to me is the worst choice for me personally because that's when we also see a lot of health challenges because the body knows. The body knows the direction. And so the more time we spend trying to go against what our body knows to be true, a lot of times the more we suffer in real ways,
Danielle Lewis (16:36):
How do we figure this out? How do we ask ourselves? This is an interesting thing that came up for us a little bit earlier. How do we ask ourselves the right questions to get to What do I actually want? What is right for me? When it is you are kind of in this moment of, because I feel like sometimes we don't even know we're in this, like you said, we're just pushing. This is the path, this is the path, this is the path. And just feeling something is wrong and it's coming out through physical symptoms, mental symptoms. Is there something that we can do to try and connect with what our true calling is, what our soul wants, what is right for us?
Jolinda Johnson (17:32):
Well, I think the first step is always creating the space for that exploration. And in order to create the space for the exploration, we have to be regulated. And most of us, the first step when we think we might need change or might need to make a change, is to check in with our bodies and regulate. So many of us are just in the stress response. We're so far away from baseline, we don't even remember what it feels like because we're on high alert answering this, that I'm available for you. I can take care of that. I haven't slept, but who cares? Yes,
Danielle Lewis (18:19):
I've not worked out in 11 years. I haven't eaten a vegetable in days.
Jolinda Johnson (18:28):
And so the first thing is to create that space where you can really feel where you are holding tension, connect with your breath, and when you are in that space of, okay, there are no distractions, here I am feeling relaxed. And then you can begin asking yourself those deeper questions because if not, the answer is going to come from, as we talked about earlier, more than likely is going to come from ego, which only wants safety. And the soul doesn't care about safety. The soul cares about expansion and truth. And a lot of times, well, not a lot of times, a hundred percent of the time when you're stressed out, you don't care about expansion because that's threatening and the ego will go out of its way to attack expansion. How many of us as business owners who have wanted to move to the next level have experienced this?
(19:45):
I have a published book, but all of a sudden I can be a bad writer, I can be an idiot. I can be someone who writes things that nobody wants to read, doesn't care about whatever. And because anytime you create something, whether it's a piece of writing, whether it's an Instagram reel, whatever it is, you invite visibility, you invite criticism, you invite other people's opinions that you might not want to hear. And when you are stressed out, that's the lesson you want. You want comfort, you want validation. And for a lot of us, that means staying where we are. So going back to your question, once you're regulated, you can ask yourself things like, how do I want to be remembered? That's a really good one for reconnecting with your big why and your legacy, because being clear on your values. I think that's also key, and we know that that contributes to resilience is when we are clear on our values and we can stay connected to those values, the expression of those values is allowed to change. So maybe the business that you've created is no longer serving you, but that doesn't mean that the next project or even I'll put this on the table because some of us,
(21:25):
We don't want to be entrepreneurs anymore. Some of us actually want to work for someone else again. And just because you're choosing that path doesn't mean that you can no longer express your values because as long as you're expressing your values and exploring your strengths,
(21:45):
It's allowed to take different forms. And sometimes when we stay so stuck to this is how it has to be, we actually keep ourselves from really being the fullest expression of who we want to be. So how do I want to be remembered? What are my values? What would I do if I knew the best possible outcome was guaranteed? What would I do if I knew everyone was going to be happy about this decision and support me? Because a lot of times we get caught up in what other people are going to think. So what would you do if
Danielle Lewis (22:35):
On the regular? Yes.
Jolinda Johnson (22:38):
What would you do if other people's opinions didn't matter? Because at the end of the day, your soul also doesn't care what other people think. And I think that that's one of the things that's been really challenging for me is kind of separating myself, putting a distance between what I know to be true and what other people, it's like I can take the feedback on board, but feedback, especially negative feedback, has to be kind of fertilizer for growth. It can't be shit that you get stuck in.
Danielle Lewis (23:22):
Okay, that's going down in history as the best metaphor I've ever heard. Oh my God, I love that so much. It's so true though. We often take on feedback like it's gospel, and it's the people we are taking the feedback from in many cases, have never walked in our shoes, haven't achieved what it is that we want to achieve or even done. Anything that we might be inspired by the people that we take criticism or advice from sometimes is highly questionable.
Jolinda Johnson (24:06):
Yes, yes. Well, I mean, this is a very personal example, but in 2020, I created a course all about the six major hormones that get derailed when we are experiencing burnout and how to support those hormones. So insulin, cortisol, those are the foundational ones. Then we have progesterone, estrogen, thyroid, and testosterone. And 12 people took the course, the pilot, which at this point I'm like, wow, that's amazing that 12 people wanted to do that. At the time. I was like, but a hundred people,
Danielle Lewis (24:53):
Of course, of course overachiever.
Jolinda Johnson (24:57):
But at the end of it, I got all of these beautiful, beautiful feedback. This has helped so much. I'm so grateful. I had one person say, I enjoyed the course, but I could have just Googled it.
Danielle Lewis (25:16):
Wow.
Jolinda Johnson (25:18):
And because of that one comment, the one out of a total of 12, I was like, well, I'm not offering this again.
Danielle Lewis (25:28):
No. Did you have a strong, harsh conversation with yourself and tell yourself that you were being silly and actually end up keeping on going?
Jolinda Johnson (25:39):
No,
Danielle Lewis (25:39):
I did not. Oh my gosh, why did we do this?
Jolinda Johnson (25:44):
Yeah. That's why I say it's a very personal example where I was just like, and then it's not that I stopped entirely, obviously not. But with that particular course, it was like, well, and then I was like, well, fine. That was that.
Danielle Lewis (26:07):
And isn't it crazy? Another thing we were talking about before we hit record is what we make it mean about ourselves. And I was saying to you, and you mentioned earlier the freeze response, and again, let's just personal share all over this podcast today when I'm having those moments where you get bad feedback or you get even good feedback that you take as criticism sometimes and you do spiral into that, oh, well, clearly I have no idea how to run a business. Clearly I'm a crap person. Clearly I'm a failure. Clearly, clearly, clearly, clearly. And I personally fall into the I don't know what to do trap. And again, I showed you I have a to-do list in front of me that's a mile long, detailed, easy, actionable things, and I go, I just freeze into I don't know what to do next. Even though I have exactly what to do next, written down on a piece of paper in front of me, I completely freeze, and I waste so much time spiraling in this clearly I am a crap business owner and I should quit.
Jolinda Johnson (27:28):
Yes. So when you find yourself spiraling, one of the things that can really help is first of all, this looks silly, but it actually works if you put your hand on your forehead and then on the back of your head and close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, this helps your body to get out of the freeze response. So on a physiological level, you're telling your body that it can relax.
Danielle Lewis (28:02):
Well, I like that. Yes,
Jolinda Johnson (28:08):
It looks really silly, but it's telling your body you are not under actual threat. What's happening. We take the feedback and it triggers us, and our body thinks danger, something's happening here that I can't handle
Danielle Lewis (28:29):
Freeze.
Jolinda Johnson (28:31):
And so this actually helps then, and the deep breathing also helps to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. Then we can look at, okay, I'm telling myself I'm a crap business woman, or I'm an idiot, or I'm worthless, which the things sometimes I tell myself, you wouldn't believe
Danielle Lewis (28:55):
I would. I probably let's sell money to myself.
Jolinda Johnson (29:01):
Let's look at some evidence here that disputes that. So this is where keeping your testimonials on hand, for example can be really helpful. I love that this person whose life I changed doesn't think that about me. So I guess that can't be true. I am a horrible writer. I guess that's why I have an article published here, or I guess that's why I have a book behind me there. One of the things that comes up for me, because I've been in eating disorder recovery for 15 years.
Danielle Lewis (29:46):
Oh, wow.
Jolinda Johnson (29:48):
So sometimes I still get the people are on Instagram. Well, people aren't responding to you because you're fat.
Danielle Lewis (29:59):
Oh my God.
Jolinda Johnson (30:00):
Which is totally Looney Tunes. It's like that has nothing to do with anything, but that's another one. It's like, okay, even if I were a bigger size, that literally has nothing to do with how you can attract people. And so when we are, and then it's like, okay, so I've proven that these things aren't actually true, so what am I going to do next? Let me look at the smallest least threatening thing on that to-do list.
(30:36):
And then when I do that thing, I can set a timer for 10 minutes and just in that 10 minute span, I'm going to make a move towards the smallest least threatening thing. And when I do that, I'm going to celebrate myself. I'm going to put on my favorite song, I'm going to dance. I'm going to do something that feels really nice. I'm like, okay, yes. And then I'm going to return and break it down into the next thing, and then just kind of get into that flow. And then when it feels like it's too much, I'm going to take a break and allow myself to not conquer the world all in one day.
Danielle Lewis (31:26):
And that is the trap sometimes as well, isn't it? Not only are we a little bit awful to ourselves and getting into these negative spirals, but we try and move, try and achieve the vision on day one. We don't break it down into the 10 minute tasks, the 1 million times, 10 minute tasks it's going to take to achieve said vision.
Jolinda Johnson (31:52):
Yeah. And for me, really, I was a single mom running my own business for almost seven years before I met my current partner. And my current partner is for anyone who knows about astrology. I'm a Virgo, Capricorn rising, which tells you a lot of what you need to know. And he's a Scorpio. So
(32:28):
I'm not very good at relaxing when I haven't accomplished everything that I want to accomplish. And before meeting him, the one who says time to power down, time to go to bed, and before meeting him, I was definitely the solo business owner, single mom who was like, well, my son's in bed. It's 10:00 PM What more do I need to get done? I would take clients after 10:00 PM I would do interviews after 10:00 PM Wow. I wouldn't allow myself. And so you asked me, taking it back to the beginning, how did you get into this? Because I myself burnt out twice and I didn't know that I was actually burning out at the time. So my last burnout was several years ago.
(33:31):
My first burnout was 2012, and my second one was right around the pandemic 2020. And I didn't realize really what was happening the first time at all. The second time I didn't get to stage four burnout because at that point I knew how to dial things back. But it still was not a pleasant experience. And I think that's the thing that we have to recognize is that our brains, our minds are very good at ignoring our body signals at saying, well, yeah, I know you're tired, but we haven't finished yet. Or Yeah, I know you're hungry, but have another cup of coffee. Yeah, I know you have to pee, but you have to Not until I finish this task. Exactly, exactly. How many of us are guilty of doing that? Yes. And so it's like your body, it just becomes this for a lot of us and my partner is 100% the opposite.
(34:43):
But for a lot of us, our bodies become these inconvenient things. And especially as women, we're taught from a very early age that our bodies are not to be trusted, they're to be changed, they're to be fixed, but they're not to be trusted. And so we get really good at overriding and ignoring our body signals. And that's why creating that space that I referred to, that intentional space where you can reconnect, where you can breathe, where you can check in, just like with team building, the regular check-ins are really important. Well, if you think of your body and your mind as a team, you need to have regular check-ins with the two of them. Because a lot of times they're on different, it's like, I want to go this way, I want to go that way. But the body always wins because whatever success we want to experience, whatever impact we want to have, we have to take our bodies with us. And so they really are worthy of our kindness and our attention and of course our time.
Danielle Lewis (35:51):
And I love it as well because it's taken me a very long time to realize this, but gut feeling like that intuition has been over the course of the last 12 years that I've been in business, something that I have ignored regularly and always been right. Yes. But even so, we were chatting, I am so behind, but have just done the human design thing and figured out that that is how I make decisions based on gut feeling. And so I've learned how to ask myself questions in a way that I can quickly understand which way my gut's going. But if your body is in a state of dysregulation or if you are in the habit of ignoring those things, it is very difficult to tap into that.
Jolinda Johnson (36:51):
Yeah, absolutely. And we actually know that because there's the mind gut connection, tons of research on this, but your gut health affects your intuition and your gut health affects your hormone health, which also affects your resilience distress. So gut health has become kind of a buzz, not a buzz phrase, the microbiome and fermented foods and all of this stuff, probiotics, but it actually matters. And one of the first things that goes offline when we're in a state of chronic stress is digestive health, gut health and reproductive health. When we're in chronic stress and we haven't had time to recover, both of those things suffer because your body is pushing all of its resources into the production of stress hormones. And if we look at the acute stress response when you actually need to run away from a lion, because I know so many of us have been in that
Danielle Lewis (38:17):
Situation,
Jolinda Johnson (38:23):
But when we actually do have an imminent threat, what happens? All of the blood gets pushed into your extremities, your pupils dilate, so you can in more information, your lungs are able to take in more oxygen. Those are all great things. But what also happens is your blood sugar goes up so your digestion stops. Your body knows it's not a great time for having sex or making babies. So it's like that's deprioritized. And so in the long run, that's why we see diabetes, insulin resistance that eventually leads to diabetes. We see heart disease because you've got that high blood pressure that stays consistently high as opposed to coming back down. We see subfertility infertility, we see autoimmune disease because your immune system eventually as a result of the inflammation, your body starts attacking itself. And that was the result of my first burnout, was the diagnosis of my autoimmune disease.
(39:38):
But so many people are in that same position. You might not get a diagnosis of burnout. You might get a diagnosis of Hashimoto's, which is the most common cause of hypothyroidism amongst women in the Western world. These are all things that are either caused or exacerbated by stress, which is why it's so important to not prove our worth by how much we can handle, but really knowing that our worth is inviable and knowing that it's okay to have limits, and that by setting those limits in the long run, we're actually going to have more of the impact that as high achievers we really crave.
Danielle Lewis (40:23):
And because I feel like it's a vicious cycle as well. So if we holding ourselves to a standard of worth based on specific outcomes, getting ourselves into this stress response, burning out, having physical ailments, illnesses, symptoms that we're pushing through, creating more stress in the body, and then not being even able to achieve based on the fact that we can't push anymore, but we're still pushing and then being more stress, it's just never ending. We've got to break that cycle,
Jolinda Johnson (41:04):
Which is why surrender is such a key component. And most of my high achieving clients really hate that word, but it really is about recognizing what is in your control, what is beyond your control and leaning into something greater than yourself. We know that people who are the most resilient also recognize that there is something greater than themselves at play. For a lot of us, that spirituality, for some of us, it just means community. It means knowing that you actually do not have to handle everything at all times. And it's just recently that I've realized how it's not, I think I've known for a long time that asking for help feels vulnerable, but receiving help also feels vulnerable. So also notice those times when someone is saying, I can do that. And you're like, no, no, I've got it. Or Let me help you, and you're like, not necessary. I'm okay. Because those are the moments when you really have an opportunity to be held and to experience what it's like to not be the only one who can do absolutely everything.
Danielle Lewis (42:36):
It's so funny. It just reminded me, I had this experience. I once had a team member who would consistently, what can I do? Can I do that? No, no, no, no. Can to the stage where she ended up getting another job. I have nothing to do here. And I'm thinking, she has so much work, I can't let go of my stuff because I don't want to overload her. And she ended up leaving because she's like, oh, there's not really much to do. This isn't really a full-time job. And I was I holding onto all of this work and all of this stress and she was saying crying out, give me jobs to do, and I was holding on and then ended up losing her. I was like, what did I just do? But it took losing her for me to realize that I was not accepting help.
Jolinda Johnson (43:31):
And I think that a lot of us associate accepting help with some kind of weakness or failing, but also it's that seeding of control.
Danielle Lewis (43:49):
Yes.
Jolinda Johnson (43:50):
Because as long as I have it on my plate, I know that it's going to come out a certain way. And for a lot of us, we think as long as I'm in control of it, then it's going to be even better. Which is not not always true.
Danielle Lewis (44:09):
No.
Jolinda Johnson (44:11):
If anyone else listening to this is a burger, they're like, actually, that is true.
Danielle Lewis (44:19):
Well, and for me, I go, I am holding onto that. I think I can do it the best. And then it actually sometimes doesn't even get done. I don't have the time to do everything. I can't physically do everything that I want to do. If I want to get a reel out every day, I might not be the best person to do that because I don't have time. So I need to let go and let somebody help so I can actually level up.
Jolinda Johnson (44:47):
Yes, exactly. And that is vulnerable.
Danielle Lewis (44:51):
It really is. And that's
Jolinda Johnson (44:53):
Perch. I have had people following me on Instagram for years, and some of them have said, I in a really difficult position right now, and I'm asking anyone who I think might care if you can send me, even if it's just $50, it would make a difference. Send that to my PayPal or send that to my Venmo. And when I've been in the position to do so, I always give, but when I have been in positions where I'm really struggling and my go-to is not, I know you really care about me and you've probably been in this position as well, but I could use some help right now. Tell anyone, just take care of it yourself.
Danielle Lewis (45:55):
Keep running, keep running.
Jolinda Johnson (45:59):
Whatever you have to do to just keep things moving. Even if it means hurting yourself, then that's always a better option. I mean, when I say it out loud, obviously that's not what I want for myself, but when you look at the subconscious programming, that's 100% what's happening.
Danielle Lewis (46:17):
Oh, absolutely. It's almost like saying the words out loud. Asking for help is admitting defeat.
(46:26):
It's acknowledging I couldn't do it. I am a failure. It's just I know because I've been there before as well and I've been the same. I was like, there is no way I can let anybody know, especially in this world of Instagram. And even so my other business scrunch is venture backed, so we have shareholders, we have a board, blah, blah, blah. I've always been like, I cannot tell anybody that I am even having a moment of struggle, doubt, wanting to quit, whatever it might be in the time, because that would be admission of, I'm not good enough for this job. I can't do it. I'm a failure. And all of you that believed in me, I've clearly let you down.
Jolinda Johnson (47:15):
Well, because that would make you human.
Danielle Lewis (47:18):
No, I'm not human.
Jolinda Johnson (47:22):
That's the thing. It's like all of the things that you mentioned are just, they're part of the human experience. They're part of the business experience. And yet we think that somehow we're not part of that, which is why when we go back to self-compassion, common humanity, there are three pillars, mindfulness, common humanity and kind words. And for me, common humanity is the one that really changes things. That really changes my perspective because we tend to, as we've said earlier, it's all about me and how my mistakes instead of, I'm not the only business owner who's been in this position. I'm not the only person who has made mistakes with their finances. I'm not the only person who has had a failed launch. I'm not the only person who's struggling right now. And we know that when we can create that sense of connection with the greater human experience, it creates that space that we need to let ourselves off the hook and take action.
(48:34):
That's actually going to come from a place of kindness and love as opposed to self-criticism and shame. This is what happens when we feel ashamed. We don't share, we isolate. We tend to become not very nice people to be around either. And this is something that I, okay, one, going back to the people who have asked me for money, I've always thought, absolutely. If I have it, it's like, sure. I've never thought, are you kidding me? What a loser. Exactly. Like everything that you assume someone would say about you, you've never thought about anybody that's been in that position.
(49:31):
If anything, it's like, oh my goodness, I had no idea. Yes, of course I'll help. And we also know, can you tell, I do a lot of research. We also know by research that most people want to help, that most people actually want to be of service. That most people actually feel better after they have done something that they know is going to make a difference in someone else's life. But how often do we, in small and big ways rob people of that opportunity just so that we can feel like we have it all together and we're superhuman and we have no flaws, things to think about, things to consider. Because the more that I learn about resilience and the things that really contribute to resilience long term, the more I realized that believing that everything is under your control, putting your health at danger, striving for a level of basically a level of perfection that does not exist, holding yourself to those impossible standards. I mean, these are all resilience killers and what do we all want as business owners? We want impact. We want to be of service. We want to do something that matters. And that starts with the values, the self-awareness, the commitment to our health and wellbeing, and the willingness to be authentic and to create those genuine connections with other people, build community, all things that the stress response robs us of all things that burnout definitely robs us of. And so that's why I'm so passionate about helping people to not be in that space and really come back to their true selves.
Danielle Lewis (51:43):
You are absolutely incredible. I feel like we could talk all night if anyone let us. So
Jolinda Johnson (51:54):
I feel, and there's be no wine involved in this conversation. I
Danielle Lewis (51:58):
Could you imagine, oh my gosh, we would really never shut up. We
Jolinda Johnson (52:03):
Water. I promise.
Danielle Lewis (52:05):
Same. Same. I'm on the waters today. I'm being good. But I feel like that is a beautiful place to leave it. I always love to leave our gorgeous spark community with one last piece of advice, so I'll task you with that as well. Reflecting, reflecting on your time in business, what would be one piece of advice that you might give to another woman on her journey to help her, to help her on her way?
Jolinda Johnson (52:39):
Yeah. Well, it kind of goes back to reestablishing that mind body connection. What I always say is, if it is trying to come through, you create the space for it to be born.
(53:03):
And what I mean by that is so many times we get these downloads, we get these intuitive hits, but for whatever reason, they don't fit into what we had in mind. They don't fall into the plan and we're like, Nope, nope, nope. But I truly believe that if you are receiving information, even when it doesn't fit into what you thought it's meant to be shared, what do you need to do to develop that unshakable trust in yourself so that you can be that open channel and allow your brilliance to really shine and allow what needs to be shared in this world at this particular time to be fully in the light.
Danielle Lewis (54:04):
Absolutely incredible. I love it. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdom so honestly and openly with us, you are incredible.
Jolinda Johnson (54:18):
Oh, it's been a pleasure to speak with you, Danielle, and I hope that what I've shared is helpful and oh, for anyone who feels like, wow, I really think I am kind of stressed, I have a five minute stress relief routine on my website that's absolutely free that you can do even at your desk. Awesome. It doesn't require any changing. No yoga mat. You can at desk chair when you feel like, yeah, okay, this is a lot right now, and I'm staring at the to-do list and I'm in the freeze response, or I'm really activated. How do you get yourself out of that? You can try that five minute routine and it will make a difference.
Danielle Lewis (55:04):
I will absolutely make sure that I link to that in all of the places where this will be live on the podcast platforms and YouTube and what have you, because I know I'm even taking away this one myself.
Jolinda Johnson (55:17):
I
Danielle Lewis (55:17):
Need the five minutes. I need all of the minutes of reduced stress, please. That's incredible. I'll make sure that that's linked up. You are the best.
Jolinda Johnson (55:26):
Thanks, Danielle. I loved every minute I.
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